A Father is asked by his friend: "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector." he replies.
To this his friend responds "Strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blond.
The puzzled blond kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blond continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Curly went hunting one day up in the Northern Territory and bagged three ducks. He put them in the back of his Pickup and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a surly Territory game warden who didn't like smart alecs. The warden ordered Curly to show his hunting licence, so Curly pulled out a valid Northern Territory licence. The game warden looked at the licence, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its bum and said, "This duck ain't from The Territory. This is a Queensland duck. You got a Queensland huntin' licence?" Curly reached into his wallet and produced a Queensland licence. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its bum, and said "This ain't a Queensland duck. This duck's from West Australia. You got a West Australian huntin' licence?" Curly reached into his wallet and produced a West Australian hunting licence. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its bum, and said, "This ain't a Western Australian duck. This duck's from South Australia. You got a South Australian Huntin' licence?" Again Curly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Australian licence. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at Curly "just where the hell are you from?" Curly smiled, turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, *"You tell me. You're the expert..."*
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young boy asked his father, "Dad, is Google a boy or girl?"
The boy's father doesn't even look up from his newspaper when he answers.
"Son, obviously it's a girl, because it wont even let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas!"
-
Member
Career Goal
-
Member
I think I died a little at "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
-
Member
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference
between COMPLETE and FINISHED...
Some people go as far to say there is NO difference between the two words.
I beg to differ:
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the
wrong woman, you are FINISHED, and when the right one catches you with the
wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!
-
Member
Completing something means that it generally has come full circle and in a positive way.
Finishing something means that its over with, generally meant in a negative way.
When put together it has a more dramatic effect.
like putting the words "pretty" and "ugly" next to each other, although one is positive and one is negative the end result is overly negative.
-
QA Team
word vs sentence, debate.
-
Banned
When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.
When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!
This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.
So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know.
