Valar Morghulis people!
Welcome to lake period on a fictional island that is inhabited exclusively by female bossy Tumblr Blood Elves on a monday morning.
Ya, I know, sounds disgusting but my benchmarking analysis of the Horde's acceptance towards a capital city that is literally a sewer, I thought that there might be something to this kind of grotesque landscapes.
Turns out there isnt.
So that's that.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - ehhhh / Chapter Whatever}
Riiiight, so it's been a while since I checked on what's happening on Lordaeron - roughly around a year and a half.
After getting back from my retiration... ******ation... re - - tirement! retirement, I realized that I might take a lil while for me to get back into some action.
I thought I might aswell get myself prepared in case I need to be ready for any sudden events.
And where do you go to when you're not ready for Shiet?
Spoiler:Show
Unfortunately though this won't work in this situation.
I'll just have to go to the bank and stash my stuff away so I don't have to carry all my unnecessary items with me.
I guess that would be a start....
Now imagine logging in to the server and spawning right underneath the brownish gates of Dalaran's bank next to some british lobster--
And as much as I hate to admit it he's right!
There's yet more size changing to come....
Come to think of it, it seems to have become quiet fashionable to grow beyond the limits of "f*** everything".
And we're not talking about some average hill billy rediculousness, I'm talking about the "my stomach is so huge my food just comes out in one undigested bit" intensity of what the hell bro.
Oh well, the bank doesn't seem to be really an option at this point, thus I decided to just sell my stuff at the grocerie store.
After all I'm broke as ever which might or might not be caused by my habbit of buying multiple lifetime supplys of Don Carlos Tequila for which I don't even have any bag space for.
However getting groceries isn't what it used to be anymore...
Is everyone obsessed with size nowadays?
I figured I propably won't have to wait too long until Cupili understands that her T H I C C mount will have to stay outside in order to deem her process successful....
yes well her getting off that mount did not happen any time soon but I did get to have a nice conversation at least.
Not quite as much of sophisticated discussion as back for example with my pal Estus but I guess beggars can't be choosers at this point.
Come to think of it I remember my friend list being a little more.... anything.
Nevertheless I found some good entertainment not far from where I was waiting.
Some multi boxing Shaman was about to show some awesomly choreographed tricks which made a lot of players gather at that spot.
A mindful comment from a spectator was enough to trigger the action.
and so they did.
However manhood is very VERY much easier to satisfy.
You can pull the fanciest tricks and sparkle with beautiful colors....
...but nothing beats the good ol classics.
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Edited: March 1, 2018
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Member
Top of the morning to you people!
Welcome to Shadowmoon Valley where easter eggs are already hidden for our dear children to come look for. Ah yes, to be young again...
The last post lies quite a few years behind and the same goes for that one and the one before that. All in all I've gained enough maturity to be very much aware of the cringe I've set in stone in these forums. That being said, let's add up to the pile, shall we?
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter... Honestly I don't even care anymore}
The abnormal adventurer is trapped! Cursed to relive the ever repeating cycle of inactivity cleanups so as to remain in the confines of the piss puddle that shames itself "the Elwynn Forest".
Oh what I would give relive the nostalgia of carelessly strifing through the lands of Lordaeron to meet interesting people while maintining the thrill of escaping death at every corner to get there...
But for that I'll need to get back to minimum lvl20. All things considered, Nothrend is not a place to leisurely stroll through without both a mount and divine shield.
Thus I'm going to need some heads up.
To the surprise of noone, the friends of the past are gone. In general I'd say it is time to move on and look forard.
Though there is a man who has consistently aided in this man's revival, regardless of the numerous failures along the way.
Introducing, the man who needs no introduction for he is very much more famous than I will ever be.
Spoiler:Show
This man has shoved up so much gold up my rear from honorable donors, it's not even funny.
This might be the 3rd or 4th time that I've been given a headstart by this gentleman with more gold in my in my pockets than I had ever owned before during the prime time.
I'm not much of a beggar, but when a man runs after you with a pocket full of luxury, practically begging you to take some then who am I to turn him down?
But wait there's more:
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Turns out not only is his purse filled to the brim with gold but so is his heart.
He felt my yearning for adventure and so we took off on a journey.
A quick ride down to the south coast.
However, my fragile self did cause us to put a few "stops" in between.
So much for the myth of the gentle giant.
But to be fair this is where I feel right at home, needlessly leaping to death in an already hostile environment that is more than happy to to take on the job regardless of consent.
For the most part though it was just your typical average Joe, Vin Diesel'esque motorbike on water action.
Spoiler:Show
But as much as I enjoyed that little trip to Booty Bay, it was of course not as long as perhaps hoped for.
Thus it meant that I eventually had to head back to Goldshire to do some questing...
AKA the most grotesque and usnettling place in all of Warcraft.
This is the starting area alrite.
This is what people see when they first boot up the game.
To be fair I doubt that the things you see in e.g. Final Fantasy online are any better so I guess I'm just being persnickety.
After all I should be glad this place is still alive and well.
But what about the things that aren't all that alive no more?
The friends made along the way?
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The love interests?
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all has shown to be not that easily replaceable if at all.
However the old memories need not die but can be very well stacked upon with new friends...
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and also red hot flaming new love interests...
Spoiler:Show
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Member
Hello.
This is Kevin.
Say hi, Kevin!
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter 69}
So.
I'm having a hard time writing about this.
But it wasn't always like this.
What's different now to how things were before?
Something's missing!
Spoiler:Show
"move on" they say.
Now tell me. How is one supposed to let go of the past if you keep getting reminded of it?
Spoiler:Show
I need to get this out of my system.
Perhaps a full 180 degree turn in the opposite direction.
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There has to be something to cure this crippling depression...
Maybe a simple change of scenery will do?
After all, the walls of Stormwind are somewhat restrictive to an adventurer's longing to freedom.
And I've seen about enough of Goldshire's degeneracy for the moment.
So what's a good place to lift up your mood?
You guessed it.
Spoiler:Show
Now, I know this might seem counterintuitive to what I originally had in mind but sometimes you just want to indulge in the sad.
I almost forgot why this is my least favorite "starting zone" right after the Barrens.
A nicely chosen color palette ranging from age old sh1tstain on an abandoned sidewalk to a grey - blue - greenish smorgasboard of visible hoplesness.
But it's places like these that hide their treasures underneath their fassade.
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Is this the 180 degree turn I was talking about earlier?
Maybe it's time for me to be the "gnome" and thrive under my shortking vibes amongst these giantesses(?).
What nice things to say o a complete stranger!
It's definitely something to keep the mood up.
However, as the rule of online mmo flirting goes, I've most probably flirted with two men for a good 20 minutes right here.
Perhaps I should've been more careful with that 180 degree turn back there...
P.S.: Who in their right mind thought it would be a good idea to show people's mouse pointers in their screenshots by default. Gah....
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Member
What doth life?
A warm welcomage is due to those who seek the wisdom oh thee who hath more knowledge available to spread in the heads of the receiving like the rich spread wealth among the poor by providing work. For that the giver is to be gifted with no less but much more than our everlasting loyalty and a multitude of gratitude arranged by the burden we inherit as bliss onto our offspring.
Now dear seeker, onto my generous offering of eternal gratitude slavery...
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Facewash}
Discrimination.
At some point in life we all see us at the receiving end.
Even today people will shockingly often portray it as something that isn't necessarily malicious, but instead, serves as a means to "protect" us or even the broader population.
Unfortunately people have given up the fight against the oppressor and the very well justified complaints become more and more silent until they turn into mere inaudible echoes in the wind - carried into the void.
"I'm not allowed to drive a car because I'm 14? THAT'S BULLSH*T!!!"
"Why am I not allowed into the girls' locker room? I don't wanna see men get undressed, that's gay!"
As relentless and cruel as fate can be, I was soon to join the canon of these voices.
"oh look at me, I'm such a cool guy because I can enter the skybreaker and you can't"
heckin prick...
As a low level adventurer there are honestly only a couple of places that are kept outside of my reach.
But this one hurts the most.
I'm a member of the allaince. I'm part of the team. Why can't I join you in the clubhouse?
I even killed one of the bad guys, see?
To be fair, I ran for my life and jumped off a cliff, which my chaser should not have done considering the fact that he had no ability to ease his fall with.
Anyway, I digress.
If you ever wanted to join the big boys on the big boy ship then look no further. I got the srats.
The journey begins here in the Argent Tourney of Icecrown.
I've scouted the highgrounds of Icecrown and this seems like the easiest way to get started.
Southwest of the tourney, there's two mountains with a narrow valley in between.
The one to the right is a tad higher, but it it's nigh impossible to get up there.
Thus the one to the left it is. And we are greeted with our first target.
The horde air ship, also known as the... the... uhhh....
Spoiler:Show
Anyway, I must say the pilot is quite the daredevil for chososing this particular route to patrol through.
I can't blame him though.
Watching this hot air ballon sneak its long and arduous way towards me was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
But hey, at least it gets reaaaal close.
but is it close enough though?
Seems like quite a bit of distance nonetheless...
Spoiler:Show
The skybreaker is so close now, I can almost feel it!
There's two problems though:
one, I'm on the wrong side of the ship. I need to get to the right hand side to make the final jump.
two, I haven't gained enough height to reliably land on the skybreaker.
well there's three problems actually...
Spoiler:Show
Some guard spottet me and shot me with some pushback arrow.
But you know how the saying goes: "when life hands you lemons..."
It feels a bit like cheating but perhaps I can use my flying ghost to revive myself in a more advantageous position...
Ah wait, there's four problems actually.
Spoiler:Show
Much like when you die in the avalanche in the Sholazar Basin, you will be revived immediately in this particular graveyard when you die on the air ship.
As much as I hate to say it, it's time for a tactical retreat.
I need some tools to get onto a better position when I jump off that mountain.
Stay tuned - for this isn't over yet.
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Member
???? ????????? ?????, ??? ??????? ??????, ?????? ?????? ???????? ??? ?????? ?????? ???? ?????? ????? ???????? ????? people!
welcome to the deeprun tram where Stormwind is about to feel the consequences of having a bucket load of "mostly peaceful" immigrants injected right into the core of our beautiful city.
These very special "gems" seem to have especially low respect for our culture, a borderline devastating history of physical violence and have no intention of learning our language whatsoever.
Be on your guard Jaina voters, for this is what you asked for...
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Facewash2}
Today's the day.
The skybreaker will no longer be a level restricted zone for us explorers!
The tools necessary shall now be defined.
Now, show let's see the deets. What can we use to glide our way to the ship - even as a non-mage or priest?
well for one we have this NPC in Feralas who offers to teleport us up the mountain there in the back.
Up there you'll find a special vendor selling parachutes.
Easy enough, right?
Unfortunately though he won't sell you more than one piece at a time for they are unique.
And they won't even last for longer than 20 minutes.
Ya well, thanks for nothing, I guess.
Next up we have Noggenfogger.
A certified hood classic, that's for sure.
However the description is a little bit deceiving.
It states that the level requirement is 35 but you won't get the actual quest to unlock it before level 44.
And let's be honest...
So, not really an option at this point.
I guess there's now way around it.
Sigh... Goodbye minor glyph collection.
And hello bag clogging profession with lots of fun but absolutely unnecessary gadgets.
Come to think of it, that doesn't sound too bad for my needs.
Alrighty then.
Gotta start somehwere, I guess.
A little bit of copper here, some iron and mythril there...
And just like that we're good to go!
Gentlemen, I believe we have unfinished buisiness to settle.
Let's see how far we can get.
To be honest, the ship's altitude is a lot higher than I remembered it.
And the horizontal fall speed is not nearly as high as I had anticipated.
Spoiler:Show
From here on out we are on good bit closer to reaching our goal.
However we're still two nasty steps away:
We landed on the left balloon. The right one is where we can make the jump off of.
And we still got to manage that final jump.
As of right now there's no guarantee that it'll actually work.
But it has to. It just has to.
crossing the bridge towards the other balloon is no trivial task.
There's about four guards on the way and each of them - needless to say - packs quite the punch.
But the knockback arrows they shoot to get you off the ship are what makes this so difficult.
Luckily I came prepared.
You should always have this ace up your sleeve when crossing high level areas.
Together with the parachute cloak we can safely cross a good portion of the bridge unnoticed.
The guards won't be after us until we reach the ground, thus the potion needs to be activated slightly before.
Try to reach at least the "meh" area otherwise you're toast.
Unfortunately I got stuck and lost a valuable second or two trying to get over the fence.
I did aggro a guard and almost fell off as a consequence.
He chased me after I went out of sight but just one second before my Divine Shield was about to run out I got him to reset.
Now on to the last and final step.
Again, even at the closest point the skybreaker is still a lot further away than I hoped it would be.
Complaining won't do us any good though.
Here goes nothing.
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