Is there something wrong with me, guys?
My girlfriend and I have been together for a while now, and in recent months she's become pretty comfortable calling me certain things in private.
I myself have an extremely diverse ethnic background, though I most notably have negro heritage, as well as caucasian heritage. Looking at me on the street though, you'd think I was biracial, as my negro and caucasian heritage is prominent. My girlfriend, however, is as caucasian as can be, with pale skin, bright blue eyes, and long brown hair.
All of that aside, when my girlfriend and I are alone or around the house, she enjoys calling me things like "half-breed," "mutt," "halfrican," and of course, "******."
I really enjoy it, but I don't know why, and I'm not sure anyone else in my situation would, which is why I'm typing this up.
When we make love, she gets even worse and says things like, "...you don't deserve this white *****..." and "...you better not nut inside me, ******; I'm not trying to have any jigaboo babies." From what I can tell, she enjoys it as much as I do, especially when I call her a "race traitor" or a "chocolate-dipper."
We love each other, but I'm just not sure I should be enjoying this as much as I am. I really enjoy the fact that she puts me down the way she does, but I feel like the only reason I enjoy it so much is because a small part of me genuinely believes every word she says.
When I look at my girlfriend, I feel like I did very well for myself, not just because she's gorgeous and this and that... but because she's "white."
I've always been more attracted to "white" women, but when I say that aloud, I feel ashamed. I'm a pretty attractive guy, and I've never really had any self-esteem issues, but this is one topic that really embarrasses me. I feel like I have some sort of complex.
Is my situation normal? Am I normal, or am I some kind of self-hating racist?
I don't doubt that this post might provoke some interesting comments, so I'll be sure to reply to intelligent and thoughtful ones.
