Story which I call for now "Project Kerion"

Hello people!
Since I am also writing a story, I decided to follow this example here http://forum.warmane.com/showthread....0515&p=2684105
However my story is a bit complicated, so I don't know yet what I need in the chapter 1. Depends on how it turns out, chapter 1 might have to be changed, so I left it not written for now. Chapters 2 to 7 have been written, although still, obviously, changeable, should anyone of you have nice suggestions. So, the part I'm posting here is part 2.1 (I built chapter 2 from 6 parts, obviously 2.1-2.6. I hope on seeing nice comments or decent critics, but no drama here. Should that happen, might post some other parts :) ).
And so, 2.1:
Just one week remained until Kerion would have to begin the 10th grade. While he was going for a walk, Kerion passed a house with stairs where he saw a crying girl sitting, by the look of her around the same age as Kerion was. He walked up to her and sat right next to her. The girl looked at him for a moment, turned away again and asked:
„What is it?"
After Kerion remained silent she asked again:
„What do you want from me?"
Calmly Kerion asked:
„What happened? Why are you crying?"
The girl slowly turned her face to Kerion and exhaled slowly:
„Like you would care..."
Kerion just turned his face to the girl, leaving her without an answer again.
„Sometimes I feel like everything crashes around me, but I'm used to that already. Today I feel more like apocalypse would be happening all around me, leaving me alive to suffer."
Kerion saw the girl's tears coming, her beautiful brown eyes and straight blonde hair revealing... her soul. He had never seen anything like this before, so he knew he had to help the girl:
„Whatever happened, happened. What's done is done and there is nothing you can do about it, about the past."
„But I do not like my past," the girl said.
„Every moment you spend instantly becomes your past. You cannot changed any single action," Kerion looked at the sky, „but you can improve your past overall."
„How?"
"By having more positive moments in the present, which will then turn into the past."
The girl turned away and they sat in silence for a moment. She hugged him with one hand and received the same in response. A minute later Kerion noticed the girl was crying no longer. He whispered:
„And so whatever happens, we must live on!"
She took her head off his shoulder he hadn't noticed she had put:
„Thank you! You should go now. I'll be fine... I think."
Kerion stood up and, as he turned to go away, she whispered to herself:
„Live on..."

***

On the first day of school Kerion finally met his new classmates. All of them were asked to say something inspiring to classmates. Few minutes later he noticed a girl standing up. She said:
„Whatever happens, whatever marks we get, we must not give up, we must..." she noticed Kerion, „live on!"

Updates:
June 6th 2016 http://forum.warmane.com/showthread....=1#post2689232

Hmm, its a good start, honestly. I cant say it's the best you have to offer yet, but it's a decent start towards writing. The aim of story seems pure and without any mystery to it. I see its essence to be more of a lesson in life and a good one at that. Keep it up and write more. I would love to read more. :)

Thanks for the reply!
Kind of a lesson of life, if you wanna call it so. Mysteries will be there just not yet. The story will be split in 3 parts, this being a piece of part 1, in which i talk mainly about righteousness and self-righteousness, power, forgiveness, indirectly about different kinds of people and so on. And I posted this not because it is the best (because it is not, I've had some fun writing this), but because it is the beginning of what I've written. If I'd take the best it might be somewhere from the middle where it would be harder to get into.

Nice Story :D Liked It

Anything specific I could improve it on?

I think its good cuz something in you is very creative :) (sory for bad eng)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Deathmastered

„Every moment you spend instantly becomes your past. You cannot changed any single action," Kerion looked at the sky, „but you can improve your past overall."

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Changed here should be change ;)

Nice to read this, I like it :) keep on writing stuff!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Deathmastered

Anything specific I could improve it on?

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Mhhh... not really, just some tiny bits of english maybe :D You have anyone with good english knowledge to read your stories?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Martijnhaah

Changed here should be change ;)

Nice to read this, I like it :) keep on writing stuff!




Mhhh... not really, just some tiny bits of english maybe :D You have anyone with good english knowledge to read your stories?

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Before typing in PC im writing this in hand-writing. Checked the "script", seems to be a misstype, gonna fix it in a word document (cus no such mistake in the script).
And, if I had to guess, I'm gonna post one more (not the next one) part on Monday. Not sure which one of two that im thinking of, but.. one of them.

Good, I am curious about it :D

I decided that in total I'll post here 4 parts (1 done before), that was an intro for a girl which we later find out is called Vanessa. Now I'll post one more "normal" part, the next week part right before "mystery" and then - already one with magic.

Now, part 2.4, in which we find out a little bit about Keith and much what Kerion and Vanessa are about.

Four more months passed. Only additional piece of information class got about Kerion was that he dislikes parties. Kerion had told them he doesn't believe they can be fun to him based on his personal experience. Classmates didn't believe that this is the real reason. Vanessa was still left with the question how Kerion predicted Patrick's future. She had a thought for a moment that it might have been his revenge, that he was actually involved, but soon changed her mind - that would be too far, even for Kerion. Maybe that was some special ability... But could it be true? Did he know something more?
However, today they were about to have another surprise from Kerion. School made orientation competition for its six oldest classes. Including the one Kerion was in. The time would begin when the team would start the distance and end - when all the team would finish. Classes began the distance. Kerion's class was in the first place at the time despite them not knowing that because classes didn't start at the same time. Kerion wasn't good in any way at sports, but he made up for it with his superiority in interpreting hints given.
On the way to one of the objectives they noticed a girl sitting on ground hugging her leg in pain. Kerion's class was still first time-wise. They had started with 5th number and since all classes started the distance with 30 minute interval... Kerion became worried.
He felt tired before, but suddenly Kerion managed to unleash a wave of not-spent energy through his body. Class followed him. Vanessa reached the girl just a second later than Kerion.
„Are you ok?" Vanessa asked to the girl, trying to help her stand up.
Kerion stopped Vanessa, seeing that the girl had been crying before and this will hurt her again.
„Do not make it look like you don't see she is not," Kerion sat down right next to the girl and looked at her leg.
„Kerion, we have no time. We have to move if we want to win this competition."
„And leave her alone here? No. I am not going to do this."
Kerion took a closer look at the girl's leg. He pushed it with fingers in few points and realized the girl won't be able to walk without any help for now.
„Someone call teachers! We must get her to them first. Then they'll call the ambulance."
„Wouldn't it be easier to call the ambulance?" Keith suggested.
Unlike Vanessa, the blonde girl with little bit curly hair and caring grey eyes looked actually concerned about the found one.
„If we knew where we are, we would, but I don't think we do. Teachers, however, do."
Someone from the class called the teachers, although Kerion couldn't recognize who it was.
„There is nothing else we can do for her," Vanessa clearly cared about victory way more than about the girl.
Kerion knew Ann had been ill recently, so she wasn't ready for this.
„Ann, do you remember where the last checkpoint was?"
„Yes, why?"
„Go there, lead teachers to us when they'll drive here."
Ann figured that Kerion hadn't chosen her accidently and went away.
„Kerion, can we go now?"
„Go, Vanessa, I'll stay with her till they come."
„But... the result?"
„They'll understand me."
An hour later class had finished the distance, the girl was on her way to the hospital and Kerion with Ann were waiting his class at the finish line. The next day results were announced and Kerion's class, because of what Kerion did, was put in the first place.

Hopefully you'll like it! If you have any suggestions what to edit, change or maybe what to put more in, feel free to tell me, please!

It reminds me of harry potter a little bit :D

Harry Potter?
TBH never seen any of movies of those series, nor I've read a single book about him. Why does it remind you of him?