Making an abnormal adventure out of WoW

If you smellLlLlL what the Rock is cooking, people!

https://i.imgur.com/l0ZAsem.jpeg

Welcome to Goldshire, where Warmane's fine art community meets to pursue the meaning of life.
I myself am not exactly a great artist of any shape or form, but I do know that art is often subject to interpretation.

https://static.bimago.pl/mediacache/...66/49906_1.jpg

Now I know this is a bit of a stretch considering the fact that this was most probably just some random bull**** that went down in this god forsaken place yet again, but I'd like to stay optimistic for once.
I mean, what's the alternative? I could of course just drink away the sorrow...


{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Owning a Libtard Epic Shapiro Style}


You know what's so awesome about Warcraft events compared to other MMOs - especially korean ones?
It's their simplicity.
Have you ever started a new korean MMO during an event and you instantly got mail bombed with a couple dozen event items you had no clue about what half of which were even there for?
Have you ever found yourself in the distress of having a full inventory at lvl 1 because you were afraid to throw away any of these items and increasing inventory space would cost you real money?
Have you ever bothered to chug down some of these event consumables only for your ridiculously attractive character to become so ungodly overbuffed that the already waaaay too easy game just became even more of a ****fest?
Well Warcraft has got none of that. But it does have a good few world events in store during Autumn.




https://i.imgur.com/MlrcMkZ.jpeg




The Brewfest is amongst my favorite together with the Feast of Winter Veil and Hallow's End.
It helps me distract myself from the actual Oktoberfest and the unholy amount of tourists that come to plague my village.
So, as a native Bavarian I want to make a little tribute to this social gathering and its dubious reputation.




https://i.imgur.com/aplRJtI.jpeg




Now, the first thing they got right is the lack of tables and benches.
Not that there's none at the Oktoberfest but there might as well be since the chances of getting them are next to none.




https://i.imgur.com/y601NSD.jpeg




Another tradition they got right was spinning.
Bavarians just love to spin.

Spoiler: Show

https://external-content.duckduckgo....519&ipo=images

Either hop your drunk behinds on the "devil's wheel" and catapult yourself into the crowd after going full beyblade--

https://i.gifer.com/origin/6f/6f5bcd...fa17a261f5.gif

Or dance the night away with utmost precision and concentration.
Funnily enough either option is vastly preferred by women.

https://media1.tenor.com/images/5c47...temid=17323319

And what goes well with lots of spinning?




https://i.imgur.com/cE6tepW.png



Alcohol!
Or beer to be more precise.
A no brainer in every sense of the word.
Ignore your liver and the miserable remains of your brain crying for mercy-- or the watered down taste for that matter.
But we're not done yet!
Additionally to lots of alcohol and spinning, there needs to be amusement rides. It's a faire after all.




https://i.imgur.com/EP7o8D5.jpeg




Granted, I had to look a bit further to find something that's somewhat comparable to an amusement ride.
Unfortunately, the ancient lift here in the fjords doesn't offer much thrills and spills.




https://i.imgur.com/JvfoDlc.jpeg




But what's that?
Warcraft beat me to it again.
An achievement that rewards players for leaping to their near deaths from needlessly large heights. Great!
It's also a surprisingly good parody to the increasingly worrysome neglegence in the maintenance of said amusement rides.




https://i.imgur.com/56Ql22l.jpeg




Now, all you gotta do is to be patient, aim your landing spot and cerafully time your jump.
Ready... aim...

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/4Zuah46.jpeg

rip...

Now youmight be thinking:
"Alcohol, spinning, amusement rides...
That looks and sounds a lot like a vomit inducing smorgasboard."
And you're exactly right!
Vomitting is a crucial part of Oktoberfest.
And for some inexplicable reason, all messed up drunkards have unanimously agreed to consistently meet and decay on the infamous "Kotzhügel" or "vomit hill".




https://external-content.duckduckgo....27b&ipo=images




It was all fun and games until now, but surely there's no Warcraft equivalent to this, right...?

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/DbcX7aG.jpeg

But of course there is...
And of course it had to be Goldshire!

To be fair, the vomit hill isn't exclusively famous for vomiting.
It's also a place to experience semi-romantic love making in full blown shot of everybody.
Or let's say ~almost~ everybody since it does happen mostly behind the bushes.
Though keep in mind that "behind" the bushes is a matter of perspective.




https://i.imgur.com/Ly6dU5b.jpeg




Last but not least, there's ample opportunity to get into fist fights.
And yet again Warcraft got us covered.
Get your provocation game on a whole nother level with throwable mugs. Maximize your disrespect, people!


https://i.imgur.com/zuSiC6p.png


https://i.imgur.com/pL8oL2P.jpeg




Gone are the days where you had to gather attention with /spit or /laugh.
Don't just leave it up to the other's imagination.
Make it personal!


...but...


What's that?




https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/...53/046/566.jpg

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/tJ9LkES.jpeg


You know full well that the enlightened stoicist was never an option.
Listen to me and listen good.
It's never a fair fight.
They always bring a big pal with them...

*tips fedora*

https://i.imgur.com/rtdrYYv.jpeg

Welcome to the Howling Fjords where I'm reporting live from the most badass pirate ship I could find.
What really caught my eye here is the cannon which has its tip covered in blood and I can't be the only one to think that's strange.
Something huge was shot at point blank and evaporated like a german middle class man's earnings after taxes.
And to top it all off it seems like nobody can be bothered to clean it up.
Let the message be clear.


{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Don't You Guys Have Phones?}


videogames - and yes, that includes Warcraft - are often considered as not just a hobby but a form of escapism.
Then why is it that I seek a way out from this game every once in a while?




https://i.imgur.com/EhE9v2s.jpeg




As much as I hate to admit it, Goldshire is the number one gathering point for social exchange as an alliance member.
So how is one to escape its shenanigans?
Leaving the global chat is a good start, but going into hiding isn't the answer...




https://i.imgur.com/k4c20Vb.jpeg




Luckily, Hallow's End event was taking place recently.
World events are always a great way to distract oneself from what's usually keeping you busy.
Interestingly enough, I've seen people vomitting left and right for this event yet again.
The candy's like a souvenir that carried over from the brewfest in those regards.




https://i.imgur.com/LPhVLyC.jpeg




ain't that the truth?
But there's more to it than just getting an upset tummy over an abundance of candy.




https://i.imgur.com/msanDts.jpeg

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/...20160731004240

Every now and then someone will lock a homing and burning pumpkin on you which will endlessly loop it's laughter for as long as it's chasing you, but this also doesn't quite hit the spot, now does it?
It turns out that I'm not alone on this quest.




https://i.imgur.com/Hb2EuO0.jpeg




Tinki here is also out to find peace.
And this is an interesting approach indeed.
I too should consult the restless dead - or better yet, become one of them.




https://i.imgur.com/FcDZzuR.jpeg




It turns out that nightly talks about what nightmares haunt you in your sleep aren't all that relaxing.
Also Goldshire managed to botch it yet again.
Tell me, why is my skeleton black?
That's not how it works!




https://i.imgur.com/HMaBL9D.jpeg




Last but not least, there's the main event with the headless horseman.
Every half an hour or so, it'll cause the population in Goldshire to grow significantly.
Add to the original bunch a few mutes from Stormwind and an extra load of opportunistic troll accounts freshly arriving from Northshire.




https://i.imgur.com/cBQCxgX.jpeg

Well, not on my watch mister!

https://i.imgur.com/j9lCLV0.jpeg




Alright, this isn't necessarily what I aimed for, but I guess that place is as good as any.

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/gVYynPt.jpeg

What? You thought I was gonna apologize?
You deserved this, man.

But with the horseman out of the picture we are still left stranded in our quest for answers.
And as always that's a flat out lie on my side because I already know the answer.
If you seek peace, all you need to do is go into hiding.




https://i.imgur.com/c5F4ZN1.png




This is where these little rewards come into play.
One of the effects you can get out of consuming them is levitate.
And anyone that's grown a liking towards getting to hard to reach places knows how much levitate makes life easier.




https://i.imgur.com/KiNdjrX.jpeg




With levitate gravity becomes optional.
This lets me climb the highest mountain of all.
Mount Hyjal!




https://i.imgur.com/ZPd7cgW.jpeg




I've been trying to get here for a while now.
But a good few of the entrance points have alpha walls one can't really get around.
Thus I'm excited to see what's ahead.





https://i.imgur.com/xAvhnL3.jpeg




Ah, yes, barricades!
The universal "no fun allowed" sign.
I don't think anyone's gonna give a damn though, so let's roll.




https://i.imgur.com/9hORUeb.jpeg




It's a quiet place alright.
Somewhat barren at times but that is to be expected in an alpha zone.





https://i.imgur.com/xC1bMtQ.png




But won't you look at that, I found your mother's character spawn!
Quite a lucky find, is it not?




https://i.imgur.com/N2eQ7nW.jpeg




Given the fact that I'm never right about anything, it was also clear that I was not going to be here all by myself as I had anticipated.
Let's see, who's this mysterious stranger?

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/HFQWLRo.jpeg

So, it seems someone has parked his level 1 mage here.
God knows how he made it here.
And why am I getting Goldshire vibes from this person...

Kumbaya my people!

https://i.imgur.com/lKiSoBP.jpeg

Welcome to a place that was once known to be peaceful and perfectly suitable for just dazing off and minding your own business.
I once wrote a chapter about how convlicte is all to present here in Warcraft.
And given the fact that the name of the game is Warcraft I should've really noticed a lot earlier how silly it is to think that it would even be worth mentioning how common convlicte is around this place.
Anyhow, let's get to the chase.


{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter The **** did you just say to me?}


We've all been there.
Creativity is a battery that runs out and needs to be recharged ever so often.
But one doesn't need to be alone on this trip.
Thankfully, I too can deligate this problem to the people around me.




https://i.imgur.com/6bzfKNn.jpeg




For one I tried joining a new guild - which has already gotten rid of me for inactivity - in hopes of getting some new spice to write about.
This young man here came in with a bold suggestion.
"Let's go to Goldshire! Surely there's lot's of fun people there."
My mind's telling me no, but my heart doesn't want to turn down the offer.
Off to the cesspit it is...




https://i.imgur.com/tJl9Ct8.jpeg




To be fair, Goldshire's not always the hot mess it's often presented here as.
This day, there's only one troublemaker around.
I've written a chapter about Wesleyjohn's provocative nature and how it got him banned indefinitely.
And as always, I'm wrong about everything.
Let's see what stories he has in store to entertain us with.




https://i.imgur.com/pMDbn0k.jpeg




Interesting, it's about his way to fame.
Let's hear it.

https://i.imgur.com/LTaDQxN.png




mhm, okay...

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/MYk3kqG.png


Fascinating...


https://media4.giphy.com/media/ygx2A...TX5Z/giphy.gif

Right, so this doesn't really help all that much in my quest of aquiring great stories to write about.
And some people out there are getting restless.




https://i.imgur.com/7vKDCh3.png




It seems that not only the guild is iritated by my inactivity.




https://i.imgur.com/noX6oCU.jpeg




Though it came off as no surprise that the gnome mafia turns out to be not as fearsome as they might think.
The message is clear however.
Also I don't want to damage my relationship with the gnome community any further.




https://i.imgur.com/KipdlkA.jpeg




Luckily, it's that time of the year again and I have a wish that needs to be granted.
I need to get away from all this pressure.





https://i.imgur.com/mfqucXH.jpeg




Dear Santa,
I wish to be exiled!
To the land of the damned...




https://i.imgur.com/vhiQTRg.jpeg




Santa, in his eternal wisdom, uttered that I shoud go where all exiles go.
That means it's either off to Wraeclast or the Darkmoon faire.
And as I am - as always - looking to find my answer in Warcraft, I have to go with the latter option.




https://i.imgur.com/H5tPYNo.jpeg




Granted, I do wish the welcoming committee would be a little more... welcoming...




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1V3WDT0mc




https://i.imgur.com/iQh7Iqq.jpeg




It's not particualrly clear where Santa's path is going to lead me.
But it is surprisingly ominous.
Was this a dumb idea?
Should I just head back?




https://i.imgur.com/ihajQiY.jpeg




On second thought, this place might at least be worth checking out.
What's the worst that could happen?
I've been through much worse after all.




https://i.imgur.com/OTaXMNE.jpeg




Huh, won't you look at that.
The Darkmoon faire is actually a faire for once.
All I've known it for so far is useless items and telling the horoscope guy that I hate paying taxes and people that try to take credit for my work.




https://i.imgur.com/0D9HT6U.jpeg




Okay, this place is awesome.
It's as if all my problems have vanquished into thin air.
And I know exactly why that is...




https://i.imgur.com/6zCAL1x.jpeg




I can pinpoint the exact moment in time when our world started going to **** back in 2019.
It was with the death of the damned Gorilla.
In Warcraft, they seem to be taking good care of theirs.
Good for them.




https://i.imgur.com/rFofeZa.jpeg




But enough talk about problems and whatnot.
The Teng is here to have some fun!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l80_R2HvXIU


https://i.imgur.com/7U72NfL.jpeg




You know, being the pacifist vagabond that I am, I've almost forgotten how fun violence can be.
Especially since I find myself on the receiving end most of the time.
Perhaps it is I who needs to find a new perspective on convlicte.

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/IMr82Wv.jpeg


Cancel that.

If we're at the point where decorating a christmas tree with knifes is considered normal, our culture is indeed in trouble.

Anyhow, I wish you all a happy new year and may all your convlictes be resolved with peace and love!

Peace be with you, people!

https://i.imgur.com/GEMXWeM.jpeg

Welcome to Warmane's own community take on state fairs with joy and entertainment galore.
A Gorilla was also taken into consideration which is nice.
Other than the darkmoon faire I visited the chapter before, this one allows the Gorilla to actually partake in the action rather than just putting it up for display like a damned zoo would.
Fill up your cheer batteries, as it will be drained by the upcoming melancholy soon enough...


{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter }


So, Valentine's day/ week is a few months passed and the bachelors and bachelorettes of Warmane were ready for it.
after all, love is competition and if there's one thing Warmane players excel at, it's p2w competition!
Hence one could not enter a city without being in the immediate risk of having someone unsolicitedly spray a load of odd smelling fluids all over you.

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/websUVL.jpeg


Sorry, I don't make the rules, kid.

Though obviously this isn't what the Valentine's event is all about.




https://i.imgur.com/GArj8jD.jpeg




It's about either finding your special soulmate.
Or ask that person out, if you've already gotten to meet said person.
I for one might be a little rusty, but why not give it a chance?

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/FVzwGD6.jpeg


My game has seen better days, that's for sure...


https://media.tenor.com/EsnSfJ5LMdQAAAAM/300.gif


But why is that? What's been gowing through my mind?

Thankfully, there's always that one tactless friend that will snap you out of your short-time-post-rejection-depression.




https://i.imgur.com/W6YPYC1.jpeg




And for me, that friend is none other than the infamous Tozla himself.
Although his critique about my fashion choice is out of place, it is indeed what I needed to hear.
I need to pull myself together and get to the bottom of this!




https://i.imgur.com/zAivswd.jpeg




After a good night's sleep, Tozla came up with a brilliant plan.
Nothing gets my mood up like a little adventure.
I wonder where he's going to take me.




https://i.imgur.com/KMVg5Wa.jpeg




Right, I don't know who needs to hear this, but when you have someone driving with you on your chopper, make sure to keep the steering wheel straight as long as possible.
sitting on Tozla's passenger's neat is downright nauseating...

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/zyEJcHs.jpeg


And for the love of the light, don't drive straight through aggressive mob camps when you got a fragile payload with you.

Anyway, all that nagging and nitpicking aside, the hike would soon find its final destination.
And boy, was this path all too familiar to me.




https://i.imgur.com/4Gkvydo.jpeg




It's a place I haven't been to in a while now.
And what a coincidence that it's today that he's taken me here...




https://i.imgur.com/bmn9gb4.jpeg




This is the place where I took Dalaran to when I first met her a few chapters before.
Chapter "Koenigsberger Klops" on page 6 to be precise.
Well, at least I've managed to find out what's been holding me down all this time.




https://i.imgur.com/GYj7d7V.jpeg




Of course, I tell him all about her.
To those of you who don't know Dalaran, she's telltale example of what happens when you bring the female hex maniac from Pokemon to life.

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/EvdmKPb.png

Yeah, uh, that girl, for reference.
It's astonishingly hard to find a normal picture of her that gets the message across and doesn't result in an immediate ban. Don't judge me.
I needed a pic that says "I can fix her, but I don't want her fixed."
You feel me?

So why is it that I can't let go?
Well, I've been carrying a peace of her with me all this time...




https://i.imgur.com/Q0jZ74O.png

https://i.imgur.com/6dJN9NG.jpeg

The pie resided in my inventory ever since.

https://i.imgur.com/CLJ7t58.jpeg




It's bloated beyond belief but I just can't let go of the pie.
Though I find it highly unlikely that I'll ever reach the required level to ever consume it.
No, the pie is not what I need to get rid of...




https://i.imgur.com/b9YJodV.jpeg




It's the grief.
I need to remind myself that whatever happened that fateful day was not my fault.
The light rest her soul from how she died to inexplicable causes.
But as ever, it's time to look forward.

Dear Sir or Madam, people!

https://i.imgur.com/oRoiXEP.jpeg

Welcome to a highly anticipated perfomance of Pride and Prejudice in Warcraft.
Notice the contradictory body language of the sheep and the kodo.
Despite it's over all weaker build, the sheep oozes with confidence in the presence of the strong kodo's countenance.
A very untypical characteristic for a sheep. Unsure of how to handle the encounter, the Kodo subtly cowers underneath its armor.
Is this what the original Pride and Prejudice is about?
No idea.
I haven't read the book nor did I watch any of the films.
I've been busy with other works of literature though.
Come, take a look!



{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Cinnamon Seasoned Tea}


An argument could be made, that the source of information containing the solution to all our problems - unique as they may be - is readily available at all times in the world around us.
Unfortunately it's not as easy to determine which information is the one required without already knowing the answer beforehand.
Thus one might wonder whether an abundance of information right and wrong is not set out to do more harm than good ever so often.

Back in the day, we used to have books that were declared as messengers of objective truths.
We called them manuals.
Every second reading through it was a moment spent in hell.
There's nothing more frustrating than the relentless logic of a small booklet that makes it irrefutably clear that the crisis we are experiencing is largely due to our own incompetence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnqbAsAA0U8


https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/...pg?format=webp

Unfortunately, I see myself in a predicament.
I've had one too many set backs in the trial of love and thus feel as though I'm forced to take a peek in the manual of romance itself.
Though older works like Romeo and Juliet or Pride and Prejudice will not take me far in the modern age.
Luckily, I've noticed that there's been a great increase in interest for dark romance literature lately.

https://external-content.duckduckgo....3eb3ba1f3c8e7f

According to Amazon, this book "Kiss The Villain" seems to be the number one contender in conquering female hearts.
I haven't really gotten further than reading the author's note but that alone was plenty for me to form a question that I'd liked to have answered, ladies.
Which is, yo what the actual ****?
Yeah, I'm not doing this.
I'm gonna find the answer in Warcraft instead.




https://i.imgur.com/eBUP2or.jpeg




Luckily enough, Baldcel is here to save the day yet again.
A little window shopping at the auction house provided me with just the item I need.
A steamy romance novel for a measly price of 69 gold eh?
I'm sold.
And of course I'm willing to share this moment with you.

Let's dive in into the captivating story of "A Steamy Romance Novel: Northern Exposure"

https://i.imgur.com/Ix4Z743.png




I swear by all that is holy, I did not know this story was going to feature a gnome. A female one at that.
I'm not complaining though.
This is not half bad actually!




https://i.imgur.com/EinF6Nx.png




Did she just try to summon a succubus to join in the fun?
Damn, that girl is a freak!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYHxGBH6o4M



https://i.imgur.com/aM21f3X.png




I'm starting to get the feeling that the author had a little bit too much fun writing this.


https://external-content.duckduckgo....31f3450f18c373


How do you introduce someone like that to your parents?
Is her forcing you on your knees through sheer agonizing pain a red flag?

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/zl0kPiH.jpeg

I can't believe she was actually on to something...

https://i.imgur.com/9VlPSgY.png

Okay, now I'm lost.
I can't really tell where this is headed.
Are they just going to competetively inflict pain on each other?
It kind of sounds like typical warmane PvP with extra steps...

Be it as it may, I need to find out more about this.
Apparently there's three more books to the Steamy Romance Novel saga.
Until then it's to be continued.




https://i.imgur.com/C6JdbQD.jpeg




Interestingly enough, the book fever seems to have been contagious.
Tozla over here is in the works of writing a captivating story of his own called "The Date Watch".




https://i.imgur.com/anYwfLP.jpeg




Unfortunately, when he said "date" watch, he meant the calender date.
Though I'm sure romance will also find a way into the plot.
I'll make sure of it...

Warmane situation is crazy, people!

https://i.imgur.com/rt0ysxv.jpeg

Welcome to the delivery of the most lukewarm, breat & butter, milquetoast takes that literally everyone agrees with.
At this point, I should artificially prolong this part by comparing the issue at hand to a metaphor that could easily be explained in one sentence, but instead, will be drawn out for about two to three minutes before I finally get to the point.
I can't really be bothered though.

Alright that's it, cya.


{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Your Waifu is ****}



In the previous chapter we went through some explicit ingame content involving a female gnome.
What a strange line to start this chapter off with...
The reason for this was to improve my game or "rizz" as youngsters would say.
However, I don't really know what to make of it.




https://i.imgur.com/M3ljhWL.jpeg




That is until this random letter made me rethink my conclusion.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcsfrOGOP6o




What else is there to say, really?
I had to see Luvonir again, the woman who had last dumped me on valentine's week.
Of course, it's been a while and it will probably take some time to make her remember the encounter.




https://i.imgur.com/nuEhjFc.jpeg




Luckily, she has a chat addon that logged the chat history from back then.
Unfortunately, the line she stumbled upon - the one that jogged her memory - is quite the moderately disastrous ice breaker.
What's positive about this is that the situation can only improve from here on out.




https://i.imgur.com/HNxBedm.jpeg




Thankfully, this is an MMO and women here are used to endure the very rock bottom of garbage advances to which Tinder pales in comparison.
Luvonir even treated me to a ride to some place close to Karazhan that I've apparently missed.
Now, not long ago I've pointed out that depending on the driver, taking a ride on the passenger's seat of a chopper can be quite the nauseating experience.
Now, I don't want to make any stereotypical comments about womens' driving skills...

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/YfyAf0V.jpeg

...but

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/BySB5rX.jpeg

But.

https://external-content.duckduckgo....ef93e5a7f3cbd6




Back in the days when Failblog and Memebase were still a thing, I never stopped to wonder how these car crashes came to be.
I guess that's another mystery solved, but I digress.




https://i.imgur.com/VPSL4KF.jpeg




And won't you look at that.
Our destination is a cute smiley face beneath the otherwise bleak environment of Karazhan.
I'm usually borderline awful when it comes to reading another person's signs, but I can work with that!




https://i.imgur.com/pUWG003.jpeg




Of course, we spend some time hanging and goofing around this place.
This is the part where you start to learn about each other's quirks.




https://i.imgur.com/cEfyLGj.jpeg




And there we have it.
In her free time, she created a set of rules for an own personal alphabet or rather a cryptography method.
I even have permission to show it around.




https://i.imgur.com/eitPs49.png




bro, what.




https://external-content.duckduckgo....9ae90eadc0f9d0




I do not have the slightest clue as to where I should start to try and decipher this.

Spoiler: Show

https://external-content.duckduckgo....d4927eb3165965


This is all I can think of, really.
If I understand this correctly, there's either a dire crisis on its way to us or we're in for an epic collaboration.
Either way I'm intrigued.

Be it as it may, nothing lasts forever.
You know what they say.
Things should come to an end when you've had your most fun with em.




https://i.imgur.com/JsRUpJJ.jpeg




After a long bountiful night out, it was time to return to our home sweet home back in Goldshire.
What a strange way to call this place, given how I used to criticize this place...
And don't get me wrong, I have no intention of stopping the criticism anytime soon!

Ah, Tengelmann, chronicler of chaos and unlikely Goldshire romance arcs — once again you deliver exactly what no one asked for and yet somehow everything we needed.

Luvonir logging chat history like a seasoned RP archivist? That’s both terrifying and oddly romantic. Her homemade alphabet is either a code to unlock the secrets of her heart — or a trap to see if you’re smart enough to deserve her. I fear for your odds, but I admire your optimism.

In any case, it’s nice to know that somewhere between emotional devastation and flying debris from Gnome flirting gone wrong, Goldshire still welcomes you back — battered, wiser, and slightly more mysterious.

Carry on, Tengelmann. Lordaeron wouldn’t be the same without your strange, vaguely unhinged narrative reports from the frontlines of social interaction.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Akazia

Ah, Tengelmann, chronicler of chaos and unlikely Goldshire romance arcs — once again you deliver exactly what no one asked for and yet somehow everything we needed.

Luvonir logging chat history like a seasoned RP archivist? That’s both terrifying and oddly romantic. Her homemade alphabet is either a code to unlock the secrets of her heart — or a trap to see if you’re smart enough to deserve her. I fear for your odds, but I admire your optimism.

In any case, it’s nice to know that somewhere between emotional devastation and flying debris from Gnome flirting gone wrong, Goldshire still welcomes you back — battered, wiser, and slightly more mysterious.

Carry on, Tengelmann. Lordaeron wouldn’t be the same without your strange, vaguely unhinged narrative reports from the frontlines of social interaction.

---

https://64.media.tumblr.com/266cd9bb...d1671cf6e0.gif

https://tenor.com/de/view/star-wars-...g-gif-25726030

Omg the GIF embedding thingy doesnt work :(

Grab some snacks, people!

https://i.imgur.com/4HfTCQZ.jpeg

Welcome to the circus that is Stormwind on a regular weekday evening.
Come to think of it, Stormwind's Trade District regularly rotates between these four phases:
1. Nothing. There's people there but they don't ever move or make a sound and you start to notice one player in particular whom you could swear hasn't moved from the spot you've last seen him in days if ever. You could hear a needle pin fall during that phase.
2. People talking around a campfire while sharing strong political takes on genocide
3. Half of the server's horde population dancing around Varian's corpse
4. People clowning it out as if they were on acid - pic related

I guess you could say that Stormwind isn't all that much different to Goldshire in terms of awkwardness.
Let's move on before we get too caught up in the matter.


{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Why don't you wear a suit?}


Not too long ago but only for a relatively short amount of time, the internet was obsessed over discussions about the benefits of cold showers.
People posted numerous claims, either about the betterment of their skin, the way they start their day with more energy, and of course, how they turned into a near demigod like creature.
Most importantly though, it's supposed to help calm your spirits and surpress lesser needs, if you get the gist.
Find your inner center and whatnot.
What would I need that for, you ask?
Well, Luvonir, the star of the previous chapter, found out of our "date" recently...

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/5gxxtky.png

https://external-content.duckduckgo....5ac872a46ac2aa

Unfortunately, there are no showers in Warcraft.
Oh well, there is one I can think of in Undercity but it's literally the worst thing ever.




https://i.imgur.com/mejkcZA.jpeg




Yeah, it's best to avoid it at all costs, for obvious reasons.
Aside from that, a special kind of rollplayer might argue that one always carries the golden alternative around.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=SZzwsnvJ1so


To each their own, really, but this isn't where I'm headed.

So, with the lack of showers in place, I'll just have to compensate with more cold.




https://i.imgur.com/tR6sQfa.jpeg




Luckily, Northrend really has no shortage of cold.
Let this be the place for our journey to Zen-like meditation.




https://i.imgur.com/8crpOoW.jpeg




And what would a Zen pilgrimage be without the obligatory wise mountain hermit?
Although he has no real wisdom to share with the likes of me, one can still appreciate his greatness.




https://i.imgur.com/abwPbaP.jpeg




And I mean this quite literally!
For reference, the guy's about as tall as the Darnassian Ancients, and by that, just about tall enough to be considered dateable by American valley girl standards.

Spoiler: Show

https://external-content.duckduckgo....8d5a2b066c6f8e

I'll leave that here without context.

https://i.imgur.com/CwTStoW.jpeg




It wasn't all for naught though.
From the wise mountain hermit's post, it was easy to spot a suitable location for expedition into the cold.
This one looks promising, alright.





https://i.imgur.com/9jPuKc7.jpeg




And it does not disappoint!
I think I can safely say that this is the coldest place in all of Warcraft.
If the cold manages to defy both time and gravity, I think we're easily measuring temperatures of up to 0 Kelvin.
It's quite impressive actually.
I didn't think it would work that way.




https://i.imgur.com/cYxXOwT.jpeg




I was hoping that this needn't be a one time thing though.
What if I desire to revisit the newly established mind-cooling-resort again in the near future?
But as it stands with the Storm Peaks, there's very little options when it comes to flight masters.
To make things worse, the next closest one is resting on one of the highest and nigh unclimbable mountains there is.




https://i.imgur.com/LSMdqB6.jpeg




Nigh unclimable?
Guess I have to go climb it then.
What else am I supposed to do?
The downside to this is that it downright requires suicide to:
A. spawn at an adequate starting position at the ghost healer's pedestal(red arrow)
and B. gain minimal height for the steeper bits.




https://i.imgur.com/FpuwS7w.jpeg




The latter part being especially painful in every sense of the word.
I to this day haven't found a method to effectively kill myself, so jumping down the mountain but barely not jumping OFF the mountain slowly but gradually has to do the trick.

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/eRHf2m2.jpeg


Don't expect to make this first try though...

And after all your troubles, you'll be greeted by the final boss.




https://i.imgur.com/i9R7STa.jpeg

https://i.imgur.com/9nklCdB.jpeg




Fall down here and you'll have to start all over again.
This is by far the scariest ledge I've come across in all past adventures.
Boy, am I glad I grew up in a time where video games compensated for their lack in content with ridiculous difficulty.
Else my patience would have ran out at this point.




https://i.imgur.com/fdbcAb0.jpeg




But where there's a will there's a way.
Though I've almost forgotten why I wanted to get here in the first place.




https://i.imgur.com/QM4RQxS.jpeg




As ever, perhaps the journey itself was the goal all along.
I mean, I sure hope it is since I've had just about enough of this place.
Or perhaps the real goal was the (guy-) friend I made along the way?
Ugh, I don't know.
What was I thinking...

Ah, Eternalangel – our radiant guardian of whispers and wings...
Goldshire still out-weirds Stormwind, no doubt about it. In the grand halls of Stormwind you vanish in the crowd — but here? Here, your name lingers like my lavender mist. In Goldshire, you're not just seen. You're remembered. :)

- Akazia

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Akazia

In Goldshire, you're not just seen. You're remembered. :)

---

By any means necessary, eh?
One would assume that vanishing in the crowd is more of a blessing than a curse to you.



https://img.pr0gramm.com/2025/05/10/...177f8d2b11.jpg



But judging from what I've witnessed so far, I believe this right here is the philosophy you've chosen to live by.

You can't escape the purple mist! :D

- Akazia

Okay let's go, people!

https://i.imgur.com/zKcLpam.png

Welcome to the Howling Fjord where the Wetland's ship has decided to leave me stranded mid air above a pool of sharks that I'm one-shot to.
The irony of me complaining when my original intent was to get myself into exactly this kind of situation is not lost on me.
However, I strangely feel more at ease when I got only myself to blame.
If only that were to help me stay grounded...
With that bad dad pun out of the way, let's dive right into the next!


{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Espresso Macchiato}


When it comes to cultural influences in western Europe, the US has been no. 1 for the longest time.
Though both middle and far eastern influences are catching up rapidly, with Korea being one of the top contenders.
Much to my delight, I must say, since they've delivered both funky music that I'm not ashamed to openly admit I enjoy - and dramatic soap operas like the ones my abuelita used to watch.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQGRg8XBnB4




And there's something included for everybody.
For example, There's also male equivalents.
They have the same body structure, voice and make-up, but they also have these haircuts that would get you bullied beyond belief at school or at your workplace.

Though what am I even on about with this, you ask?
And what does it have to do with Warcraft?
Bare with me, I'll get there in a minute.
For now, I'd like to set focus on the fact that a few chapters before, I've promised you a second iteration of the Steamy Romance novel saga.
It turns out that you need a rogue to pickpocket these out of the inventories of certain NPCs.




https://i.imgur.com/nnlf9do.jpeg

https://i.imgur.com/qxFnAK5.png

After a long time looking, I was able to find a rogue willing to do the job after receiving a bucket load of side eyes while asking around.
People thought I was some kind of weirdo.
Can you believe that?




https://i.imgur.com/gO09clo.png

https://i.imgur.com/EFjVPm2.jpeg




Luckily, Contextual over here is both highly motivated and damn good at her job.
Possibly also bored out of her mind, as is the case with many Lordaeron players.




https://i.imgur.com/xUhThzt.jpeg




Which is also much to my delight!
I don't think people would bother as much with me on Onyxia or Icecrown where people are just so busy.
The social aspect is really what makes Lordaeron stand out.

Spoiler: Show

https://i.imgur.com/5oIbApQ.png


Ah, the faces of joy and excitement!


https://external-content.duckduckgo....468ff6a717a751

So, without further ado, let's have a look at these bad boys.




https://i.imgur.com/wvCiqHL.png




This one is only two pages long, but I'm more of a quality over quantity kinda guy anyways.
Though how's this story going to play out if the girl is playing hard to get already?




https://i.imgur.com/CbbpCfb.png

Nawwww, cute!
Now this is one emphasizes the romance aspect that I like to see!
In the previews Romance Novel chapter, we were discussing the trend of dark romance, but this story tends to a more tender approach where a simple yet special kiss forms the climax.
This is what I meant earlier when I mentioned the influence of K-dramas in the world of warcraft.
And the plot not advancing from this point forth is also a nice touch.
Although I could go without.




https://i.imgur.com/rZtJ6o1.jpeg




Compare that to the romance dramas of the west, especially here in Goldshire, we do see quite a large difference in... subtlety... amongst other things.
Anyhow, we still got another book to review, so let's get right into it!

https://i.imgur.com/bggUaWr.png




So this is a story about a woman - probably a bloodelf rogue - named Ah' Tusa and as I've now noticed, the same male protagonist as in the other two books.
What a player! I swear, anyone can call themselves a paladin nowadays...
Be it as it may, she seems to be nervous while wandering around the foreign or even hostile environment that is the deeprun tram.
It's a two page story, so let's see where this initially uncomfortable encounter leads.




https://i.imgur.com/r22yQQ4.png




https://external-content.duckduckgo....99edf94aa0ab3f

Spoiler: Show

https://external-content.duckduckgo....dc84ef1aa98fe6

https://external-content.duckduckgo....5ffac0d981135b

https://external-content.duckduckgo....cde206e28fd042

https://i.imgur.com/qlVRuGm.jpeg




Yeah, I'm going to discard this book from the rating entirely.
This is absolutely not what I've been searching for.
I'd like to distract myself from this by reading the last book in line.
However...




https://i.imgur.com/cPHskra.jpeg

https://i.imgur.com/xS7MRB5.jpeg




The fourth book is not as easy to get one's hands on as the others.
Why? Because you need to pickpocket a boss from the Trial of the Champions dungeon.
Not the easiest task, I would say.

And so far, I haven't been able to get my hands on it.
But One day, I'll be here to review it for sure!