Yet we can have control over what we do and what their brainset is. If we know how to get it, of course. That's why I'm saying - if she had an addiction and would want to get rid of it id be ready and, if she helps and would be honest to me of course, able to help, or at least have a pretty decent shot at it.
About do we have control over who we fall in love with depends on how strong our standards are. I agree that for most people there is no positive energy stronger than love, which is why it is the hardest test for any borders we set. However, if we have set them and worked on them hard enough, they will hold.