I do remember the night with Lighttemple! How nostalgic :)
Also maybe one of the last screenshots ever of the original Wesleyjohn, good job!
Stay purple
- Akazia
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hi. how you upload the image? i upload one image but it just shows as a link here
https://imgur.com/EgnMtLo
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Sure, let's go through all commands I know, since I too couldn't really find a post where these are specified:Originally Posted by lichriper
-- make sure your image link ends with .jpeg, .png, .gif or similar
if you're trying to embed a youtube short like this one:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/hxuSyh3WQkg
change the first part from:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/
to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
and add the remaining hxuSyh3WQkg
like so:
Spoiler:Show
change text size
green text
underline text
centered text
bold text
I probably forgot to mention a few, but these should suffice for most purposes.
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Misleading instructions, accidentally hacked NASA
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Important Notice:
The following chapter is an edited reupload.
Since the original has been taken down by Warmane without notice, I've censored or changed parts that I believe might have come across as too aggressive or biased.
If Warmane doesn't want me to cover any drama around the players, please do let me know.
Although I assure you, we're all just messing aroung with one another.
Spoiler:Show
Thank you!
By fire be purged, people!
Welcome to Undercity where my visit was motivated by the Steamy Romance Novel we had last read in the previous chapter.
After having thrown up in my mouth a little, I've decided to not be so narrow minded and recreate the experience with Lady Sylvanas Windrunner.
We get along just fine, but her army of simps is not having it.
Unfortunate, really, but it's nothing compared to what's about to follow.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Ohana Means Family}
How tough are ye?
Do you have what it takes?
If Billie Eilish were to see you now, would she succumb under pressure, rough guy?
Well, let me tell you, theres a place for people like you.
It's the Salty Spitoon of Warcraft.
It goes by the name of Goldshire.
Spoiler:Show
There's an unwritten rule around these parts.
Disputes are settled face to face.
Go hard or go home.
It's a gentlemen's agreement to not have authorities involved.
This agreement was broken not too long ago, resulting in a permanent pan for the infamous Wesleyjohn himself.
But it didn't stop there.
You see, no one in the shire is really innocent and we all got dirt on each other.
Thus it was of no surprise to see Luvonir pull the Uno reverse card out of his sleeve, resulting in a ban for the perpetrator.
It's quid pro quo.
Order should've been restored at this point, shouldn't it?
Little did we know, this was going to have a not so insignificant aftermath.
You see, Luvonir is having a lot of beef with another player called Television.
These two used to be friends until one fateful day in which a healer had mistakenly rolled need on a hunter staff.
After winning the roll, the healer decided to let Television and another hunter roll for it once more.
Television lost said roll and reported the healer for ninja looting as to him, the reroll didn't make up for said mistake.
Luvonir didn't stand for this and condemned Television for his actions.
Both players confirmed that this is how this story went down.
Ever since that day, the two have become sworn enemies.
Television claims that Luvonir sees no value in friendship and supports ninja looting.
Luvonir on the other hand claims that Television is morally corrupt.
Attempts to bring these two back together have been futile.
The convlicte has made it's way into the global chat and sides were taken.
Whilst I sided with Luvonir's moral high ground, my good ol friend Tozla had sided with TV's take on the importance of camaradarie.
I've always seen myself as the Switzerland of Warcraft, trying to stay neutral and not get envolved.
Though if you try to please everybody, you'll end up pleasing nobody.
However, there's always the option to just kick back and wait until everyone has calmed down a little.
Seeing as how I'm always wrong about everything, things have just gotten worse.
Luvonir, being convinced that Tozla had taken the convlicte too far, reported both him and his alt account.
Tozla has appealed this ban, of course.
Surely he has shown himself humble and apologetic before the Warmane staff.
Spoiler:Show
As Tozla is not a nobody, this event has caused quite the uproar in the community.
The reactions are quite polarizing to say the least.
It is not uncommon to see this when drama happens around famous players.
So, what's the verdict?
The once infamous Salty Spitoon of Warcraft is starting to drift into a game of cat & mouse.
Who's to say who's next in line for the banning crusade?
It could be you...
It could be me... (for real now, I must watch my step from here on out lol)
Heed this warning and stay safe!
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A small price to pay!
-Akazia
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I swear, im not responsible for that little pickle with the censorship :D
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Meddl Leude!
Welcome to the center of attention in the blasting lands, where four lovely ladies from a more civilized era are bound to forever cheer at your greatness.
This is every man's dream, is it not?
I once heard that courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality.
But it's a quote from the possibly worst game I've ever played so I wouldn't rely on it too much.
Though I have to admit, I did receive a lot of attention lately...
Have a look.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Pen-pineapple-apple-pen}
Have you ever played an RPG and wondered, what is it that the heroes will do once their journey is over?
Will they settle down and live ordinary lives like every other?
Will they work nine to five office jobs until the end of their days?
To me the idea alone has always been nightmare fuel.
I have played a couple of JRPGs in which the lives of the protagonists are described in the credits after the end of whatever war was taking place.
It was always shocking for me to see that the guy who mercilessly took the lives of 300 men at my command has now become a happy papaya fruit seller or maybe even a child book author without any care in the world.
Spoiler:Show
Now look at me.
My adventuring days are far from over, though I can't help be painfully aware of the fact of how much this rotten place named Goldshire has turned into the home I have settled for.
Just an ordinary life, spending the night at the campfire with my friends and my catfish wife.
Honestly though, if you're going to attempt to catfish me - and the attempts have been numerous (some better some worse) - you better be good and ready to at least not come up with the laziest lvl 1 approach you can think of or I will hurt you, brother.
Anyhow, even though I've returned to civilization for the most part, it appears that a new kind of adventure has opened it's gates for me.
Both the increasing viewcount and the positive reactions I receive ingame speak volumes.
And I can't stress enough how reassuring that is!
You see, both before and after releasing a chapter, I sit in the shower crying and asking myself if everyone's gonna hate me for it.
Spoiler:Show
But what kind of reactions do I receive, you ask?
Well, people have been trying to hire me for all kinds of services.
Unfortunately for him, I follow a moral code.
I don't just go around playing cupid, not knowing if the people I bring together are even supposed to be matched!
Also my personal success rate in this particular field leaves a lot to be desired.
Regardless of all this, here's a short ad from today's episode's sponsor:
Spoiler:Show
Think of me what you want, you don't know how hard it can be to secure a living at lvl 37!
Also, sometimes I'm not even being given a choice on whether I want to fulfill these services.
Take Ltwoop for example, who apparently seeks comfort in informing me about every detail of his digestive cycle.
I kid you not, he is being serious and consistent about this!
Spoiler:Show
Alright, I remember mentioning something about positive reactions but I'm honestly having second thoughts about this.
How come it's only now that I notice?
Don't knock it til you've tried it man!
I know it's not the most modern approach to online entertainment, but I can't just switch over to making Tik Tok shorts!
And I have been trying so hard to advance the style from the admittedly cringe posts from when I was but a boy in 2016.
Thankfully, there are some heart warming comments.
Even in regards to my older posts!
Tell me, is this going to go on with 40yr old me thinking I'm a dumbass today?
Or am I at the peak of potential in my 30s when it comes to decision making?
Yeah, that's gotta be it!
Thankfully, the community is not as judgmental about the past.
Perhaps it's because you lot feel the change as well.
And maybe I should've done this post at the actual 10 year anniversary but I've already written all of this down and I don't feel like deleting it again.
ouch.
I'm working on it...
As I said, my journey is not over!
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About time! Keep this place nice and sane while I am on vacation :D
- Akazia
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Spill the tea, people!
Welcome to old Ironforge, a neat place sealed off for the general public.
Why is it sealed off?
So us elitists can flex before non mammoth owners about how we can get to a place that the commonfolk can't.
Unfortunately, there's bad news regarding all this.
I don't own a mammoth.
But there's ways to reliably double your savings repeatedly.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter gûn qù chú fáng}
Long's it been since the last chapter.
Ironically, it was right after I said that my journey is far from over that I gave away the impression of this journey being over.
However, now that my college exam phase is over, I glanced over some 'old' screenshots to see where it is I left off.
One night in particular gave me a hearty chuckle.
It is men's night at the shire.
By that I mean Irl men and not ingame character men.
You know how group dynamics change depending on whether the group is mixed or just pure male or female?
For all our lovely ladies out there, men's night means absolutely unfiltered discussions about women, minorities, how guilds other than our own are ****, substance abuse, "if I had to pick a guy" men and, last but not least, how much we hate women.
Don't worry though, it's the soft love-hate kind of hate that has always been mutual throughout all of history.
But not everything's bad of course.
We also talk about good experiences like the losses of some of our WoW virginities.
Spoiler:Show
Much to my surprise, this freak seems to have found someone just as freaky as him.
Now I'm curious.
Who's Ltwoop's special someone?
And why did he never care to bring her down to Goldshire?
Alright, I could think of a couple of reasons...
Of course, she's an NPC.
Who am I to judge though?
It's not like we never had video game crushes before.
You know what? the boys and I damn well feel like judging that!
Spoiler:Show
Well now, as much as we love our women, we as men also love the grind.
After all, you don't get women just by sitting on your arse all day.
You gotta get out there and hustle!
That's the spirit!
Never forget what drives you.
Now, meet the new money making machine that the others and I have decided to put all our savings on the line for.
It's bound to make all of us rich.
Spoiler:Show
There's a game called Deathroll.
The rules are simple.
First you determine the amount of gold you want to bet, e.g. 250 Gold.
You then start rolling from 1-250.
Let's say you rolled a 177. Your opponent now has to roll from 1-177.
This goes on until one unlucky bastard loses by reaching 1.
For groups, you can simply all roll between 1-250 and whoever rolled the lowest number has to pay the bloke who rolled the highest.
As you can see, this has been going swimmingly for me.
If there's a guild specialised in these kind of games, do let me know.
My warcraft induced gambling addiction needs to be fueled.
Currently I stand at a net-gain of -580 gold.
I am now very poor and need to win it all back.
Having worked my way up into becoming a professional gambler, I don't want to turn back fishing pigmy suckerfish again.
Even the name speaks volumes.
For now though, I'm saved from extreme poverty by - low and behold - a woman.
A literal angel.
What's the best course of action now though?
I feel torn apart!
Spoiler:Show
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Oh darling... Tengelmann the Broke, chronicler of cringe and gambler of goblin fortunes.
You dare stumble into Old Ironforge—a place of quiet dignity and forgotten frost—only to drag with you tales of men’s night in Goldshire? Goldshire. That festering pit of sweat, ale, and unsupervised emotes.
How quaint.
I see you’ve embraced deathrolls, the gambling game of peasants with delusions of grandeur. Negative 580 gold? Please. My nail polish costs more, and it glows in six arcane hues.
And now—be still my heart—you speak of being “saved” by a woman?
How very 2006 of you.
Let me guess: she’s either
A) an NPC with tragically high poly count,
B) a Gnome in disguise,
or C) a void in your heart you filled with disappointment and /flirt macros.
Either way, I’m placing a purple curse on your dice. You’ll roll nothing but 2s until you repent—preferably on your knees, in Darnassian silk, reciting apologies in Thalassian.
As for your "professional gambler" career?
Please. You’re one cursed roll away from fishing pygmy suckerfish again… and trust me, they remember you.
In closing:
Goldshire will continue to be Goldshire.
You’ll continue to be broke.
And I’ll continue to hex you for fun.
������
Akazia Flamewhisper
Breaker of Egos.
Collector of Tears.
First of Her Flare.
P.S. Your whole village still smells like Wetlands mildew. Do something about that.
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Oho, look who decided to show up! Ol’ Akazia, self-proclaimed Collector of Tears — funny because I’ve been collecting his tears for years now! /giggle
Great post, Tengle! Don’t think I’m not watching you with an eagle eye. You better hit that level 38 soon… or I might have to start collecting your tears next!
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Well, first of all thank you for your kind words. Specifically those that aren't phrased like a threat.
I'd hate to get on the bad side of someone who managed to consistently collect tears from what's basically a LLM.
Leveling lies far down in my past though. I'm rusty.
I just need a little more time!
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Charmed, I'm sure, people!
Welcome to Nelle's awesome performance of "Fake Friends", a song that does not only tell a compelling story about Goldshire's social dynamics, it's also a song that has yet to be written.
But if it were to exist, the lyrics would sound somewhat like:
Imagine being with fake friends,
nobody around you seems legit,
it makes you want to quit,
so come forth and make your amends.
Be done with making fake friends!
That's deep!
However not as deep as the cesspool that is our strangely beloved Goldshire...
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Finger but Whole }
Nightlife in Warcraft hits like a drug.
Your mind is taking in all the randomness around you with utmost joy.
That is until you consciously start realizing what's happening around you.
How the heck did we get here?
It is a day like any other.
The shire's awfully quiet.
The mood's rather dull and some chick thought she could enter Goldshire inn's basement and get away with it unfazed yet again.
What happened in the basement, you ask?
Well, the news about the Goldshire Gang approved goth NPC in the basement has spread fast.
And poor Katerpillar over here is first to witness the lewd RP action that revolves around it.
Which is unfortunate.
Just a moment before, she was introduced to the gang with all the love we have to offer for a complete stranger.
One would think that on a night like this, we'd show ourselves from our best side.
Well, being the peak of civilization, we decide that showing ourselves from our best side involves urging our male friend to lift his shirt and leave his jugs on full display for our entertainment.
As if it's not telling enough that Goldshire's most wanted bachelorette is a graphically outdated NPC.
Of course, our favorite Draenei ladyboy friend goes along with it.
And with him, our other newcomer Tinkabella as well.
Truth be told, I didn't think she'd stay around too long, but she's been handling it all like a champ.
Spoiler:Show
And to put the icing on the cake, Ltwoop performs his most graphic depiction of "poopy time" yet.
If you're new to all this, "poopy time" is basically when Ltwoop decides to let everyone in his surroundings know about his recent meals and both how he's about to defecate it, and how it all went down once he's done.
For reasons unknown, he preferably shares this information when I'm around.
Regardless of all this, Katerpillar is still around and wants to take it up a notch.
And we're all down.
It's time to go clubbing.
This guy's comments are going to be the death of this blog...
Anyhow, of course, the best places for an exciting night out are in the city.
If we want to come feel this buzzle, we ought to leave dear ol' Goldshire.
Fine with me, really!
Even Beepi who is notorious for not ever leaving his fence before the Goldshire inn has agreed to tag along.
Thanks to this neatly placed Uber stone of Warcraft, he doesn't even need to walk all that much.
Lazy ahh...
We all have that one friend.
Over at the club, everyone seems to be right in their element.
I can't say the same about myself though. Admittedly, I don't really feel all that well in tightly crowded places.
How do you even strike up a conversation with a total stranger you know absolutely nothing about?
Spoiler:Show
Beepi over here has his own way of dealing with this.
Skip the conversation and go right into action!
I can respect that.
It's a high risk high reward game.
Who knows, they might just like it!
As is usual at goth parties, we end the night by snuggling up close in a coffin inside the basement.
At least that's what I believe goth people do?
Whatever the case, it was a fun night and everyone went to bed happily.
Well, except the newcomer, unfortunately.
Katerpillar has never shown herself around the shire ever again and since lives up to her guild that dubiously goes by the name "Regret"...
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