Valar Morghulis people!
Welcome to lake period on a fictional island that is inhabited exclusively by female bossy Tumblr Blood Elves on a monday morning.
Ya, I know, sounds disgusting but my benchmarking analysis of the Horde's acceptance towards a capital city that is literally a sewer, I thought that there might be something to this kind of grotesque landscapes.
Turns out there isnt.
So that's that.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - ehhhh / Chapter Whatever}
Riiiight, so it's been a while since I checked on what's happening on Lordaeron - roughly around a year and a half.
After getting back from my retiration... ******ation... re - - tirement! retirement, I realized that I might take a lil while for me to get back into some action.
I thought I might aswell get myself prepared in case I need to be ready for any sudden events.
And where do you go to when you're not ready for Shiet?
Spoiler:Show
Unfortunately though this won't work in this situation.
I'll just have to go to the bank and stash my stuff away so I don't have to carry all my unnecessary items with me.
I guess that would be a start....
Now imagine logging in to the server and spawning right underneath the brownish gates of Dalaran's bank next to some british lobster--
And as much as I hate to admit it he's right!
There's yet more size changing to come....
Come to think of it, it seems to have become quiet fashionable to grow beyond the limits of "f*** everything".
And we're not talking about some average hill billy rediculousness, I'm talking about the "my stomach is so huge my food just comes out in one undigested bit" intensity of what the hell bro.
Oh well, the bank doesn't seem to be really an option at this point, thus I decided to just sell my stuff at the grocerie store.
After all I'm broke as ever which might or might not be caused by my habbit of buying multiple lifetime supplys of Don Carlos Tequila for which I don't even have any bag space for.
However getting groceries isn't what it used to be anymore...
Is everyone obsessed with size nowadays?
I figured I propably won't have to wait too long until Cupili understands that her T H I C C mount will have to stay outside in order to deem her process successful....
yes well her getting off that mount did not happen any time soon but I did get to have a nice conversation at least.
Not quite as much of sophisticated discussion as back for example with my pal Estus but I guess beggars can't be choosers at this point.
Come to think of it I remember my friend list being a little more.... anything.
Nevertheless I found some good entertainment not far from where I was waiting.
Some multi boxing Shaman was about to show some awesomly choreographed tricks which made a lot of players gather at that spot.
A mindful comment from a spectator was enough to trigger the action.
and so they did.
However manhood is very VERY much easier to satisfy.
You can pull the fanciest tricks and sparkle with beautiful colors....
...but nothing beats the good ol classics.
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Member
Edited: March 1, 2018
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Member
Top of the morning to you people!
Welcome to Shadowmoon Valley where easter eggs are already hidden for our dear children to come look for. Ah yes, to be young again...
The last post lies quite a few years behind and the same goes for that one and the one before that. All in all I've gained enough maturity to be very much aware of the cringe I've set in stone in these forums. That being said, let's add up to the pile, shall we?
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter... Honestly I don't even care anymore}
The abnormal adventurer is trapped! Cursed to relive the ever repeating cycle of inactivity cleanups so as to remain in the confines of the piss puddle that shames itself "the Elwynn Forest".
Oh what I would give relive the nostalgia of carelessly strifing through the lands of Lordaeron to meet interesting people while maintining the thrill of escaping death at every corner to get there...
But for that I'll need to get back to minimum lvl20. All things considered, Nothrend is not a place to leisurely stroll through without both a mount and divine shield.
Thus I'm going to need some heads up.
To the surprise of noone, the friends of the past are gone. In general I'd say it is time to move on and look forard.
Though there is a man who has consistently aided in this man's revival, regardless of the numerous failures along the way.
Introducing, the man who needs no introduction for he is very much more famous than I will ever be.
Spoiler:Show
This man has shoved up so much gold up my rear from honorable donors, it's not even funny.
This might be the 3rd or 4th time that I've been given a headstart by this gentleman with more gold in my in my pockets than I had ever owned before during the prime time.
I'm not much of a beggar, but when a man runs after you with a pocket full of luxury, practically begging you to take some then who am I to turn him down?
But wait there's more:
Spoiler:Show
Turns out not only is his purse filled to the brim with gold but so is his heart.
He felt my yearning for adventure and so we took off on a journey.
A quick ride down to the south coast.
However, my fragile self did cause us to put a few "stops" in between.
So much for the myth of the gentle giant.
But to be fair this is where I feel right at home, needlessly leaping to death in an already hostile environment that is more than happy to to take on the job regardless of consent.
For the most part though it was just your typical average Joe, Vin Diesel'esque motorbike on water action.
Spoiler:Show
But as much as I enjoyed that little trip to Booty Bay, it was of course not as long as perhaps hoped for.
Thus it meant that I eventually had to head back to Goldshire to do some questing...
AKA the most grotesque and usnettling place in all of Warcraft.
This is the starting area alrite.
This is what people see when they first boot up the game.
To be fair I doubt that the things you see in e.g. Final Fantasy online are any better so I guess I'm just being persnickety.
After all I should be glad this place is still alive and well.
But what about the things that aren't all that alive no more?
The friends made along the way?
Spoiler:Show
The love interests?
Spoiler:Show
all has shown to be not that easily replaceable if at all.
However the old memories need not die but can be very well stacked upon with new friends...
Spoiler:Show
and also red hot flaming new love interests...
Spoiler:Show
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Member
Hello.
This is Kevin.
Say hi, Kevin!
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter 69}
So.
I'm having a hard time writing about this.
But it wasn't always like this.
What's different now to how things were before?
Something's missing!
Spoiler:Show
"move on" they say.
Now tell me. How is one supposed to let go of the past if you keep getting reminded of it?
Spoiler:Show
I need to get this out of my system.
Perhaps a full 180 degree turn in the opposite direction.
Spoiler:Show
There has to be something to cure this crippling depression...
Maybe a simple change of scenery will do?
After all, the walls of Stormwind are somewhat restrictive to an adventurer's longing to freedom.
And I've seen about enough of Goldshire's degeneracy for the moment.
So what's a good place to lift up your mood?
You guessed it.
Spoiler:Show
Now, I know this might seem counterintuitive to what I originally had in mind but sometimes you just want to indulge in the sad.
I almost forgot why this is my least favorite "starting zone" right after the Barrens.
A nicely chosen color palette ranging from age old sh1tstain on an abandoned sidewalk to a grey - blue - greenish smorgasboard of visible hoplesness.
But it's places like these that hide their treasures underneath their fassade.
Spoiler:Show
Is this the 180 degree turn I was talking about earlier?
Maybe it's time for me to be the "gnome" and thrive under my shortking vibes amongst these giantesses(?).
What nice things to say o a complete stranger!
It's definitely something to keep the mood up.
However, as the rule of online mmo flirting goes, I've most probably flirted with two men for a good 20 minutes right here.
Perhaps I should've been more careful with that 180 degree turn back there...
P.S.: Who in their right mind thought it would be a good idea to show people's mouse pointers in their screenshots by default. Gah....
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Member
What doth life?
A warm welcomage is due to those who seek the wisdom oh thee who hath more knowledge available to spread in the heads of the receiving like the rich spread wealth among the poor by providing work. For that the giver is to be gifted with no less but much more than our everlasting loyalty and a multitude of gratitude arranged by the burden we inherit as bliss onto our offspring.
Now dear seeker, onto my generous offering of eternal gratitude slavery...
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Facewash}
Discrimination.
At some point in life we all see us at the receiving end.
Even today people will shockingly often portray it as something that isn't necessarily malicious, but instead, serves as a means to "protect" us or even the broader population.
Unfortunately people have given up the fight against the oppressor and the very well justified complaints become more and more silent until they turn into mere inaudible echoes in the wind - carried into the void.
"I'm not allowed to drive a car because I'm 14? THAT'S BULLSH*T!!!"
"Why am I not allowed into the girls' locker room? I don't wanna see men get undressed, that's gay!"
As relentless and cruel as fate can be, I was soon to join the canon of these voices.
"oh look at me, I'm such a cool guy because I can enter the skybreaker and you can't"
heckin prick...
As a low level adventurer there are honestly only a couple of places that are kept outside of my reach.
But this one hurts the most.
I'm a member of the allaince. I'm part of the team. Why can't I join you in the clubhouse?
I even killed one of the bad guys, see?
To be fair, I ran for my life and jumped off a cliff, which my chaser should not have done considering the fact that he had no ability to ease his fall with.
Anyway, I digress.
If you ever wanted to join the big boys on the big boy ship then look no further. I got the srats.
The journey begins here in the Argent Tourney of Icecrown.
I've scouted the highgrounds of Icecrown and this seems like the easiest way to get started.
Southwest of the tourney, there's two mountains with a narrow valley in between.
The one to the right is a tad higher, but it it's nigh impossible to get up there.
Thus the one to the left it is. And we are greeted with our first target.
The horde air ship, also known as the... the... uhhh....
Spoiler:Show
Anyway, I must say the pilot is quite the daredevil for chososing this particular route to patrol through.
I can't blame him though.
Watching this hot air ballon sneak its long and arduous way towards me was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
But hey, at least it gets reaaaal close.
but is it close enough though?
Seems like quite a bit of distance nonetheless...
Spoiler:Show
The skybreaker is so close now, I can almost feel it!
There's two problems though:
one, I'm on the wrong side of the ship. I need to get to the right hand side to make the final jump.
two, I haven't gained enough height to reliably land on the skybreaker.
well there's three problems actually...
Spoiler:Show
Some guard spottet me and shot me with some pushback arrow.
But you know how the saying goes: "when life hands you lemons..."
It feels a bit like cheating but perhaps I can use my flying ghost to revive myself in a more advantageous position...
Ah wait, there's four problems actually.
Spoiler:Show
Much like when you die in the avalanche in the Sholazar Basin, you will be revived immediately in this particular graveyard when you die on the air ship.
As much as I hate to say it, it's time for a tactical retreat.
I need some tools to get onto a better position when I jump off that mountain.
Stay tuned - for this isn't over yet.
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Member
???? ????????? ?????, ??? ??????? ??????, ?????? ?????? ???????? ??? ?????? ?????? ???? ?????? ????? ???????? ????? people!
welcome to the deeprun tram where Stormwind is about to feel the consequences of having a bucket load of "mostly peaceful" immigrants injected right into the core of our beautiful city.
These very special "gems" seem to have especially low respect for our culture, a borderline devastating history of physical violence and have no intention of learning our language whatsoever.
Be on your guard Jaina voters, for this is what you asked for...
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Facewash2}
Today's the day.
The skybreaker will no longer be a level restricted zone for us explorers!
The tools necessary shall now be defined.
Now, show let's see the deets. What can we use to glide our way to the ship - even as a non-mage or priest?
well for one we have this NPC in Feralas who offers to teleport us up the mountain there in the back.
Up there you'll find a special vendor selling parachutes.
Easy enough, right?
Unfortunately though he won't sell you more than one piece at a time for they are unique.
And they won't even last for longer than 20 minutes.
Ya well, thanks for nothing, I guess.
Next up we have Noggenfogger.
A certified hood classic, that's for sure.
However the description is a little bit deceiving.
It states that the level requirement is 35 but you won't get the actual quest to unlock it before level 44.
And let's be honest...
So, not really an option at this point.
I guess there's now way around it.
Sigh... Goodbye minor glyph collection.
And hello bag clogging profession with lots of fun but absolutely unnecessary gadgets.
Come to think of it, that doesn't sound too bad for my needs.
Alrighty then.
Gotta start somehwere, I guess.
A little bit of copper here, some iron and mythril there...
And just like that we're good to go!
Gentlemen, I believe we have unfinished buisiness to settle.
Let's see how far we can get.
To be honest, the ship's altitude is a lot higher than I remembered it.
And the horizontal fall speed is not nearly as high as I had anticipated.
Spoiler:Show
From here on out we are on good bit closer to reaching our goal.
However we're still two nasty steps away:
We landed on the left balloon. The right one is where we can make the jump off of.
And we still got to manage that final jump.
As of right now there's no guarantee that it'll actually work.
But it has to. It just has to.
crossing the bridge towards the other balloon is no trivial task.
There's about four guards on the way and each of them - needless to say - packs quite the punch.
But the knockback arrows they shoot to get you off the ship are what makes this so difficult.
Luckily I came prepared.
You should always have this ace up your sleeve when crossing high level areas.
Together with the parachute cloak we can safely cross a good portion of the bridge unnoticed.
The guards won't be after us until we reach the ground, thus the potion needs to be activated slightly before.
Try to reach at least the "meh" area otherwise you're toast.
Unfortunately I got stuck and lost a valuable second or two trying to get over the fence.
I did aggro a guard and almost fell off as a consequence.
He chased me after I went out of sight but just one second before my Divine Shield was about to run out I got him to reset.
Now on to the last and final step.
Again, even at the closest point the skybreaker is still a lot further away than I hoped it would be.
Complaining won't do us any good though.
Here goes nothing.
Spoiler:Show
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Member
Blessed by the eternal sky, everywhere in Azeroth, our names resound the world people!
welcome to the Storm Peaks where I'm standing behind my impenetrable line of defense at the measly cost of server performance.
I don't know how many they are nor where they come from and why they've chosen this formation.
All I know is that they keep me from harms way which is a very welcome sight in these otherwise unfriendly environments.
So what better time and place to tell a story than here and now?
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Ligma}
What is beauty?
Is it a complementary set of colors distributed onto a fitting array of geometrical forms?
Is it true love's kiss?
Is it the dummy thicc goth girl on TikTok?
Or is it this fashion show attire?
Is it really just looks? Or is there more to it?
As always, we are here to find the answer in Warcraft.
an interesting take indeed.
They say that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder after all.
But honestly, I'm just going to discard this opinion entirely.
There has to be a metric with which one can objectively indicate whether an entity is fit for the term "beautiful".
However, objectivity is not given once you've been exposed to sooty fumes for far too long and still going.
Obviously this place looks like garbage.
And the people inhabitating it make it very clear that I'm not welcome...
Story of my love life...
But perhaps that is the answer to our question.
To learn what beauty is I must first learn what isn't.
And what better place to learn about the hideousness of Warcraft than - you guessed it -
Spoiler:Show
Now, traversing these lands isn't easy but you can go about it in one of two ways.
Either you can go and charge in like a dumbass...
Or you can carefully assess a plan, a safe route so to say to elegantly dodge the threat and --
Spoiler:Show
Now, ugly as this place might be, what really stands out is the fauna of this place.
Without a doubt what takes the cake is one creature that I believed would only exist in fairytales...
THE
Spoiler:Show
Good f*cking question.
What originially brought us here was the quest for beauty.
And I say it's time for a treat!
Behind this portal lies the path to the cities of our proud metrosexual friends, the bloodelves.
If anyone can aid us in the quest for beauty it's going to be them!
I must say, this place looks a lot more friendly than the plaguelands!
There's sophisticated architecture, a diverse set of colors and the worms here don't nearly look as off-putting.
Let's head down to the city, shall we?
Now this is what I'm talking about!
If this doesn't look inviting then I don't know what is.
But must this green shard really follow me everywhere?
What's strange though is that I still get a similar sentiment to what I felt back in the plaguelands...
Long story short, I still can't point my finger at what definitively stands for beauty.
Until...
Until I went to visit yet another glorified piss puddle, this time going by the name "Valley of Spirits" in Orgrimmar.
This is where I've found that beauty lies in the moment.
Sitting at a campfire with your buddies - may it be in the middle of bumf*ck nowhere - will turn even the most inconspicuous places into a place of beauty.
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Member
Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind. If you wanna test me, I'm sure you'll find. The things I teach ya are sure to beat ya. But nevertheless you'll get a lesson from teacher people!
Welcome the World (of Warcraft) Wrestling Federation where a shaman's hurricane spell pales in comparison to a well done hurricanrana.Shedim here will need a lot more than a smug facial expression to get out of this situation if she doesn't want to truly live up to the name of her guild "I crit myself".
Outstanding!
I too can barely contain my excitement for the outcome of this heated match.
So here's some advertisements:
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Koenigsberger Klops}
Some people out there mean nothing but trouble.
Luckily for the most part you can tell right from the start.
"ohhhhh look, it's Tengel, the guy who likes gnomes so much". Please.
Out of all my defining traits I pride myself with, this is the thing you thought could lure me out?
It's degreading, insulting, outrageous and most of all effective...
After all, my most dominant defining trait is my curiosity and I just had to see what was so special about that gnome.
And just like a child that got too curious about touching the stove, I too was about to get burned.
I think we can all tell where this is going.
What I don't know is why I was asked to come see this unfold.
Now, I haven't seen anything in the forum's code of conduct that would specifically advise against posting this but I feel like I'm testing the waters here.
I can probably talk my way out of this by saying this was for the sake of art, provided that I don't openly mention this.
Again, I digress.
The more I think about it, the more I start to see something in that gnome's face...
Spoiler:Show
So, after this clumsy session of - I'll call it Blobber Flubber for lack of a better term - I had to take my leave.
My friend Foc who happened to be in the same group as I was near and I'd have a hard time explaining this spectacle.
I know for a fact that she doesn't check the forums, so this place should keep the secret just fine.
Sigh... Out of all my defining traites I pride myself with, you've chosen to refer to me by my vest...
Anyhow, it seems like I wasn't leaving this place on my own.
great! Clothing!
And not a second too early.
Foc entered the premisses only a moment after.
For some reason though this simple encounter with her caused Dalaran to have something close to a mental breakdown and run away.
Now I could just leave this crazy person be, but you know me.
Looking around a bit I've spotted Dalaran facing the wall in the bank.
ol' Tengelmann has a soft spot for crazy people.
Now let's see why this one's so butthurt.
Not necessarily my proudest display of eloquent diplomatic geniusness I must say...
Now there's a chance that a horde alt of Dalaran might come here and kill the bankers.
And to make things worse I may the one to blame for this.
I can't let my ally buddies down, I have a reputation to maintain.
So I decided to take Dalaran with me to a safe and peaceful place.
All she needed to do first was get something from the bank real quick.
Wonderful!
I have to admit, at first it seemed like these bankers were doomed.
But I guess it just goes to show that you don't need to be max level to be a hero.
Spoiler:Show
Far away.
We needed to get far away.
This might or might not have drawn some attention to us.
It might be a little late to try and save the bankers, but perhaps they'll respawn in peace.
As long as I stick to the plan, things should be good.
And the plan involves crossing the burning steppes which is always a joy in and of itself.
But sometimes you got to work through the pain to finally find a place of beauty.
Trust me, I must know.
A few not too complicated jumps in the mountains of the steppes and you'll find yourself in the promised land.
Just downhill from here is the place where peace and quiet are finally present.
All is well that ends well, you would say, am I right?
If you thought this was over then you've naively disregarded the chances of meeting a surprise visitor.
Here.
Of all places.
Now, you never know what's to come next.
A simple gank?
A confession of love?
Nah, it's much more bizarre than that.
What we got here is a half naked sales representative for what seems to be both especially leaky and noisy water coolers.
Seriously. Just end me at this point.
Eventually the sales representative decided to leave.
Leaving us with a total of four free samples we've never asked for.
This otherwise idyllic oasis was effectively turned into a modern office environment.
Well, at least watercoolers are known to fuel good conversations.
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Member
Am I a simp for mewing or is looksmaxxing goated, people?
Welcome to the Grizzly Hills where we have made our way up to the throne of the BDSM furry clan.
Whilst I do not feel like joining their movement in any way, shape or form, it's good to see that so many different interest groups are openly represented in our seemingly neo-liberal World of Warcraft.
Each to their own, am I right?
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter get rich quick Bitcoin investment strategy}
Growing up as a kid I was under the impression that receiving mail was a good thing in general.
From cartoons displaying letters as something you couldn't wait to get your hands on as it was a quirky way of sending messages over to friends
To a bright selection of songs from the beloved 60s to 80s chanting about the hopes of receiving a letter from a very special someone.
Spoiler:Show
Unfortunately, being today years old, I feel like I've been lied to my whole life.
Whenever I go to open my mailbox it's either advertisements, bills, scammers, more bills and of course insurance companies feeling the need to tell me that I should definitely do that anual kidney failure check or whatnot.
Now what has this to do with Warcraft you ask?
Surely things are a lot different since it's a game we're talking about...
For the love of god, we get it!
It's just the same message over and over again.
And to top things off, our good for nothing gen Z & Alpha teens have yet to blow up my mailbox with fireworks even once.
So far there was no glueing the mailbox lid, no baseball bat driveby, nothing!
Be it as it may, there's no use complaining about it.
You gotta do it all yourself nowadays...
Have I become grumpy over the years?
Unfortunately this wasn't going to cut it.
I used to have this cheerful "when life hands you lemons" mentality back in the day.
So why not try that for a change?
And won't you look at that, this is how I met dear little Smollcooks.
I saw her jumping around in Krasus' Landing out of boredom and just knew I had to do something about it.
This is where our little manabonk gadget comes into place.
I must say, I'm proud of myself for coming up with this idea pretty much on the spot.
To be honest I did not have a plan of what to say after that first "hey".
Perhaps that's why my Tinder experience was doomed from the start...
And just like that I may have killed my potential new little friend over here.
For I was not out of range with the Mischief Maker, but I was way out of reach for casting hand of protection.
I don't know how many Jeffrey Dahmers I got here reading this but the rest of you might also agree that usually when you kill your date there's no real hope of saving it.
Aaaaand never mind, it didn't work.
Dear Smollcooks is all alive and well.
Although, it is a shame that all the potential fun one could have had with it isn't really a thing...
However I'm not done at this point.
A reward was due for tagging along in the prank and I have thought of something special.
For that I need to the culling of Stratholme before the culling though.
And who else to ask than this fine warlock right here in front of me?
Spoiler:Show
Great!
So that's settled.
The reward item in question is none other than the Stratholme Lily.
An offhand flower that is only purchaseable inside the city of the culling of Straholme before the culling.
It is not sold in any of the auction houses ever and when using rdf you will usually have someone in your group trigger the event before you even get time to get a sip from your water bottle.
Do not be fooled by the displayed selling price though. It costs a whole 20 gold for each flower.
Spoiler:Show
Now there was only one real problem.
Smollcooks hasn't come online in what feels like an eternity.
Lo and behold, your boy Tengelmann has used his 300 IQ brain to make an outstanding discovery.
This had to be one of her alts.
That is if Smollcooks herself isn't the alt.
And I was right!
There was no time to waste this time!
So it was off to the Caverns of Time.
Smollcooks over here "multiboxing" a whole three characters to get the job done.
Absolutely commendable!
The dungeon's level restriction won't let me enter, of course, the warlock portal can do the trick.
Damn it.
That's the worst case right there.
The portal won't do jack and there was noone else inside whom I could've asked to get the Lily.
So Smollcooks ended up getting it for me herself.
Little did she know, it was all meant for her.
Now how do I go about this without making a total fool of myself?
And this is where it struck me:
I had to write a letter!
That way I could hand over the gift and explain my intention behind it.
Two birds with one stone, so to say.
Brilliant!
Well, aside from the fact that the gift paper can't be used on the Stratholme Lily as for whatever reason it states that "wrapped items can't be wrapped".
It felt silly attaching it, but whatever.
Now, was that a smooth move you ask?
Think about it this way:
Christmas approaches and your partner has Amazon Prime and you don't.
Now you ask your partner to buy the intended christmas present in order to benefit from Prime.
And when it's all there you ask them to lay it under the christmas tree with the gift wrapper lying on the side of it.
...
Spoiler:Show
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Member
Let's go Brandon, people!
This topic has been taken over by me, Margock!
Destroyer of all worlds and Niederbayern!
Prepare for an eternal reign of suffering.
Spoiler:Show
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Epstein didn't kill himself}
Where do you draw the line between lunacy and ambition?
I believe everyone has heard the age old quote by now:
It's been a common saying for generations.
And while there is absolutely no way of telling whether Vaas from Far Cry 3 or Albert Einstein said it first, the words still hold the same importance.
However, being famous doesn't make your words any more true.
If at first you don't succeed and so on and so forh.
Perhaps you just don't want to give up on things that you put your faith in.
This is Dala.
Dala is a mentally unstable lunatic with a big heart.
Our first encounter was not too long ago and was also documented in here just two chapters before.
In short, what happened is that all Ironforge bankers died, a confused gnome was harassed and I ended up with ridiculous amounts of free refreshing spring water in my inventory.
But is that reason enough to let go of a friend?
Not in my book it isn't.
Surely we just got off on the wrong foot last time...
I'm always wrong about anything and that's a fact.
The poor gnome made the mistake of seeking peace and solace in an uncrouded MMO city backstreet.
Whilst I do not see the gnome's face I can't help but think of who the mask reminds me of...
Spoiler:Show
So yeah, I feel like none of this would happen if I just stayed the heck away.
On the other hand, this might just be a call for help.
And I'm not one to deny it.
Perhaps I can get this very confused woman back on track.
THIS, however, feels like a very steep uphill battle.
But that's also how the saying goes:
The light gives its toughest battles to its strongest soldiers.
And this war is on its way to be fought on more than just one battleground.
Unfortunately Dala wants to visit Goldshire of all places.
And if there's any crazed Goldshire dwellers around then sh*t's absolutely going to hit the fan.
I may be in for a treat...
Speak of the devil, this is the exact kind of talk that gets a goldshire maniac's gears running.
Now, what's the reason behind this little trip?
A bald priest went by Dala and now she's eager to investigate the behaviour of priests around the orphanage during children's week.
Still don't know what any of this has to do with Goldshire? Welcome to my world.
I'm not completely out of luck though.
Not one foul dweller is there to corrupt the area.
It's mostly just new players with laughably high motivation and expectations.
Spoiler:Show
Logical thinking by itself has no place here of course.
But it never hurts to try suggesting it.
Interestingly enough, the journey goes on to Stormwind shortly after.
This is also where Schizophrenia enters the ring.
Now, how do you calm someone down who has clearly lost their mind?
Spoiler:Show
At least that's the first thing that comes to mind...
Works pretty well with actual children.
Unfortunately my attempts of getting her on the right track have been fruitless all along.
Here we have Dala at the verge of drowning herself.
And worst of all she wants me to take care of an orphan as her last wish.
And she actually jumped.
Question is whether that girl actually possesses the patience to let that breath bar run out.
What should I do though?
Should I jump after her?
Let her know that there's someone here who cares about her?
Spoiler:Show
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Member
Do you people get to the Cloud District very often? Oh, what am I saying! Of course you don't.
Welcome to the canals of Stormwind where I'm looking for my friend Dala since she hasn't come online since that fateful day.
While I haven't found any trace of Dala, I've come across something equally unsettling.
Should anyone out there be on the lookout for this priestess right here then... uhm... I found her?
I happily take donations by the way.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Kony 2012}
Either it's something you're really good at or it's simply associated with prestigous status.
I'm willing to bet that anyone and everyone - at least at one point in time - has made an enormous effort to try and reach the top.
May it be the top of the PVP ladder or something less exclusive like the top of a mountain.
Spoiler:Show
For some of us the goal is just a means for a fun journey.
In which case the goal doesn't even have to be too hard to reach.
A good fun time with friends!
Now, let's look at this like we would with a cooking recipe.
How does it start? When does it end?
Bare with me. The reason behind why I'm doing this will follow.
Step 1: Choose your goal.
Make it frustratingly hard or just a little tricky.
Do whatever floats your boat, really.
Just make sure there's at least a little struggle involved, even if it's just artificial.
Step 2: The Struggle
Start at the bottom and work your way up.
Set up some milestones along the way.
And just like with this elevator you'll increase the level of difficulty one at a time.
Be on your guard though. You might be up for a surprise just when you thought you were safe...
Spoiler:Show
Step 3: Reach The Goal
Great! You did it!
Pat yourself on the back, get some souvenirs and take some pics for your Instagram, Myspace, Twitter or whichever platform you've chosen to eradicate your privacy and mental well being for.
Now, if you think your journey is over then I suppose you've decided to set up camp here for the rest of your life.
You see, the problem with reaching the top is that the only way forward is down.
How will you go about this part?
Are you fine with just hitting rock bottom right after?
Will you ask for help?
Will there be someone to catch you when you fall?
Fortunately I had a guardian angel that day who escorted me into safety.
But this story isn't about me actually.
This story is about a man who was introduced to me as Lordaeron's top celebrity.
One that has made it his goal to make a name for himself more than even Tozla or Healsonheels back in the day.
Spoiler:Show
Apparently he's mostly active in the global chat which I avoid like the plague.
Though I have been able to catch some live reactions.
Surprisingly the first reactions I've witnessed are quite positive.
When I was first told about him my source stated that he's a provocateur.
Admittedly an entertaining one, but a provocateur nonetheless.
Allegedly this man has been in jail and he is doing his damndest to make the entire server know about it.
On your road to the top it is nigh impossible to not step on someone's foot along the way.
In this case however the road is paved with nothing but feet.
For a spectator that can be very much as entertaining as the image which that metaphor portrays.
However, my newly found friend and savior Baldcel is of the opinion that Wesley's just misunderstood.
Yet I must confess that I don't really see much room for freedom of interpretation.
But given all the positive feedback I might just be in the wrong here.
Or am I?
It does seem like not everyone is too fond of his spirited nature.
Let's see where this goes.
I've known Goldshire all kinds of weir stuff happening.
Hence the love - hate relationship I have with this place.
Heated debates are a first for me though.
The age old question.
After all the opposite to love isn't hate but indifference.
What's the ulterior motive here?
And there we have it.
The top is a lonely spot, you see.
And the road downwards is inevitable at some point.
The only question is whether you will take the path by yourself or with the help of others.
However the "help" of others may not always be as desired as it may sound like at first.
We see a mere shadow of what once stood before us.
Is this the end of his era though?
For one they say that legends never die.
Or will we even witness a comeback one day?
Who knows...
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Member
When at last before my ghostly shipmates I stand, I shed a small tear for my home upon land. Though their eyes speak of deaths filled with struggle and strife, their smiles below say I don't owe them my life people!
Welcome to Stormwind yet again where I get to enjoy the privilege of doing some fishmaxxing with the boys while listening to sea shanties all day long.
I have been dwelling in the cities quite a lot lately compared to how I mostly used to travel around the empty desolate lands of bumfukc nowhere. With the Lordaeron to Onyxia population decrease the chances of running into random encounters with other players have become slim and as a relatively social creature I take note to that.
Is loitering in the cities any less interesting though? Not at all, I say! Where so many minds collide there's bound to be interesting exchange.
Let's have a look.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Mei is bae}
What's the objectively most interesting and entertaining human to human interaction there is?
Can you guess?
I'll give you a hint:
It's spelled with an L, an O, a V and an E.
that's right, I'm talking about...
Spoiler:Show
The simplest form of it is held out as a simple and straight forward duel.
These mostly take place either before the gates of Stormwind or a few more steps down the road in Goldshire.
A good and friendly sparring has never hurt anyone.
But for anyone who has ever played League of Legends, Heroes of the Storm or any MOBA ever knows that the "friendly" nature of a game can indeed breed convlicte even inside your own ranks.
Straight out of warmane, the power of friendship at full display.
Now, internal convlictes as these are usually very quiet as they happen in private places such as voice chats, whispers or even face to face.
In most other cases there's the overall gentlemen's rule of stepping it outside.
Especially with the city regulations on duels, you'd think that this is a common approach.
But convlicte isn't always solved by violence.
Some choose to sh*ttalk it out.
When wielding your words as your weapon the convlicte becomes a battle of wits rather than a battle of brawn.
Spoiler:Show
Some choose to walk the path of diplomacy.
After all, what's a better way to end a convlicte than deescalation?
Show the other person that all you seek is peace and friendship.
Or you run down the path of public humiliation.
This step is taken when solving the convlicte isn't your first priority, for your goal is to publicly shame the rascal while asserting your dominance.
It is important that you let everyone both enar and far know about it whether they want to or not.
Be aware though, for there are some common misconceptions. Having the last word does not automatically crown you the victor!
Now, there's one especially strange flock of people who have their very own way of solving conflicts.
I'm talking about Roleplayers.
Some of you may have had the luck to witness the Goldshire rap battles when they were still a thing.
Roleplayers are creative, unhinged, well equipped with trinkets...
Spoiler:Show
Not giving two love makings about the people surrounding the very crowded area at the auction house, these two have a score to settle.
Much to the detriment of poor Aedaline over here.
Evil tongues may claim that I say this because allegedly I'm biased towards gnomes, but that's just silly.
I don't know what the rules are to encounters as these but my gut feeling tells me they are made up on the spot.
Whatever the case, we have not seen the last of dear Aedaline.
And the singing banshees cruising the sky indicate that she's ready to put up a show.
In regards to convlicte, a very sound and proven method to bring a stop to it is to make your adversaries crap themselves.
To strike fear in the hearts of your opponents you cannot simply go for simple Five Nights at Freddys style jumpscares.
A slow yet dramatic build up of unexpected events however will do nicely.
Aedaline doesn't mess around.
As if the humiliation of fright wasn't enough, she downright murders the guy.
In full earshot of everyone...
And to top it all off she ascends to the sky to place the cherry on top of the cake of asserted dominance.
Outstanding, truly a master of her craft.
Perhaps deescalation, peace and friendship isn't the answer.
If I want to earn people's respect I might have to find the biggest and baddest boy in town and show em who's boss...
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Member
I have a dream, people!
Welcome to Winterspring which is probably one of my favorite classic zones.
Out in the midst of seemingly nowhere you'll find an interesting landscape, a cool mount and lots of inviting hot springs.
Take a friend with you and be "ready" for some adventures.
...don't read too far into that...
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Black Viking Bathwater}
My dear listeners, friends, companions, my fellow adventurers, there's something you might not be ready for.
I've got terrible news to share.
Here, take a look at this:
Tozla, the man who for years has been taking care for all our alts - and even mains for some out there - has been banned.
stoic as ever!
I'm sure everyone who has had the pleasure to meet this man knows that he means no harm to anyone.
Especially not to people of color.
He's even got a PoC friend.
How can I be so sure, you ask?
Spoiler:Show
Granted, I have a rich history of friends and acquaintances getting banned over and over.
Right out the back of my head I'm thinking of Healsonheels, Mirda, Wesleyjohn, an erotic roleplayer who probably wouldn't like to be mentioned here and now Tozla!
But I'm not here to request this man's freedom without reasoning.
In his honor I present to you my humble Tozla montage:
Most people probably know Tozla for the insane amounts of gold he's willing to give strangers without asking for anything in return.
In his words, he's doing it because random acts of kindness are very rare in our world.
He does it in the hopes of making someone's day better, even if it's just by a small margin.
Perhaps a poorly chosen screenshot given the context but the intention here was to keep someone from losing money to guild signatures.
Tozla in general is a great person to seek advice from.
Like that one time where he tried to prevent me from making an embarassing mistake regarding my present for dear Smollcookies.
Spoiler:Show
Or that other time where he tried to convince Wesleyjohn ro rethink his life choices.
And if that wasn't enough, next to some pocket money and friendly advice he also offers exciting journeys around the world of warcraft.
All jokes aside, the moral of the story is if you got a friend out there be sure to stay in contact outside of Warcraft as well.
You never know when's going to be the day that this person is going to log in for the last time for reasons unknown.
Also make sure to reach out to one another when you're in a pinch or need advice.
The results may vary but the thought of someone trying to help you out can be comforting in and of itself.
I for one will vouch for this man and I'm hoping to reach some people out there who remember the good deeds of this kind soul and want to assist the unban appeal.
stay safe, people!
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Member
YEEEEHAAAAWWWW, People!
Welcome to Bladespire Hold where water, greens and other dispensible resources - which losers claim to be "absolutely necessary for life to persist" - are deemed unnecessary. A beautiful yet harsh scene that is exclusive for the hard bois out there.
A settlement that's close to what one could call the Wild West of Warcraft.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter The worst she can say is no}
Exams are officially over for this semester and I'm finally allowed to have some fun in life again.
What better way to enjoy the new found summer sun freedom than to stroll around the great outdoors!
Spoiler:Show
With the blazing sun mercilessly burning down on us feeble souls I can't help but express some good old school cowboy sentiments to compliment the dusty drought.
And there's really no shortage of reasons as to why specifically that character archetype comes to mind so quickly.
After all these legendary figures were great role models for many of us.
However times do change and we don't see them out and about as often.
Cowboys are still a thing though, even in this new era.
Spoiler:Show
Now, we don't see a lot of gunslinging cowboy action in warcraft, which is a shame because of the great variety of cows this game has bestowed us with.
And what better place to look for these cows in action than Thunderbluff.
A bristling city that enjoys both lots of live through outside visitors as well as the laid back vibes that are inherent with the way a cow would set up a settlement.
I was even lucky to come just at the right time to witness a greater event taking place.
There were dozens upon dozens of batriders flying over the city.
I wonder what this was for.
Were they perhaps celebrating the chinese year of the cow?
Well, it's the year of the ox if you want to be precice but I reckon that these are roughly the same thing with Taurens being something in between.
Spoiler:Show
So much for that, I guess.
But as we all know from the previous chapter, convlicte breeds creation.
The Goldshire gang for example has found a use case for cow corpses as playrugs for their irregular freakshow gatherings.
But you know me, as a person who favors diplomacy over convlicte I'd rather see myself living side by side with cows.
Thus I was lucky to find a personal guardian angel in form of a cow in form of an owl on one of my journeys as if it was destiny.
And of course, I had to make use of it.
You see, some places around Northrend are easier to travers with a level "disadvantage" than others.
And so I went on a trip to find one of my favorite factions, the Oracles.
An otherwise rather unpleasant experience to make by oneself as the roads paved around the Sholazar Basin might as well not exist with the abundance of easily pullable flying mobs that roam everywhere around this place.
However, when cultures collide, it isn't unusual for awkward moments to arise.
Because of the language barrier, my friend - the guardian angel in form of a cow in form of an now much bigger and angrier owl - seems to have mistaken my attempts to make friends with the Oracles as an order to exterminate them all and feast upon their flesh.
That'll leave a stain alrite.
Moving on, we have one final destination to pay a visit to.
Okay, but Netherstorm, you ask?
You'll find that the cows of Warcraft are scattered far and wide in all of our known realms.
Take a look at Bessy over here.
A cursed and restless award-winning spectral cow that resides right here in the midst of chaos.
The things I'd do to get a taste of the rich spectral fluids that leave those well fed udders...
One has to wonder though.
Why is this place so full lost souls of farmers and farm animals?
Then again I don't really care to find out what eldritch horror lies behind all of this, especially if it's still roaming this place.
Spoiler:Show
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Member
/wave people!
Welcome to Naz' anak, a beautiful subterranean settlement that's hidden right underneath Icecrown Citadel.
Something however tells me that the naz' anakians were there first and some douchebag acolytes had the audacity to build the citadel right on top of it.
Very much a dick move by the Lich King considering that there's more than enough space to work with in Icecrown.
Spoiler:Show
As for hidden locations, I got a little treat for ya.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter There's always a bigger Fish!}
Sometimes one just can't help oneself but to roam around aimlessly in our beloved world of Warcraft.
After the good few decades that this expansion - let alone the game itself - has been out, you'd think that you've seen everything.
Here is I.
A clueless fool that just grew a liking towards the special blue tint of the Veiled Sea north of Moonglade.
"What a nice blue tint" is what I thought.
That makes sense, doesn't it?
A quick glance to the left, however, revealed that there's more than just blue water to behold here.
Something's up there and the mountains are way too steep for me to reach it.
Fortunately, the good ol trusty Crashin' Thrashin' Racer has the ability to swim on land.
Simply start the Racer while your character is still underwater and drive against a mountain.
Your Racer will now slowly but surely increase in altitude which it will then maintain.
Anyhow, it seems like Warmane - Lordaeron has a sort of obstacle course hidden up here.
But the surrounding mountains are about 80 degrees steep and they're reaaaaaally high. Exceptionally high.
I don't really think there's a way to get up there with your character.
Spoiler:Show
Now, where to, you ask?
The answer is Winterspring
Here's a few images for reference:
Spoiler:Show
If you want to experience the track for yourself then stop reading now.
From this point forth it's all spoilers.
First up, we'll be walking on eggshells.
This one's pretty easy and you don't really need to be afraid of lethal falling damage.
You can even get back on track just by walking back up again.
This goes for the entire track, btw.
Interestingly enough, those are actual Westfall chicken eggs.
These are probably more easy to aquire than the bugged ones in actual Westfall.
Anyhow, on we go.
The first part is not something one should struggle with.
After all, getting here over Winterspring is a lot more challenging than most of the course.
Though that may just be my perception because I've spent about half a day looking for a way to even get there.
Another good news is the flames that emit from one of the "checkpoint" platforms are also not lethal.
As simple as this part looks, I would suggest you tread carefully as the falling damage in this area could be a lot more severe than elsewhere.
Now, this is where I started ****ting the bed over and over.
Looking at the screenshot now really makes me wonder how I managed to miss some of the stairs on the way down so often.
More so because it's just a taste of what is yet to come.
Am I even standing on this platform?
That would be debatable at best.
Though whenever I managed to just barely pull this jump off, I'd land in exactly this position.
The other one is a tad harder to land one and I would even deem it impossible with just a 60% mount.
Now comes the hardest part.
These next jumps require pinpoint accuracy and getting back here after dropping down also takes some time.
You'll be stuck here for a while.
Interestingly enough, the track becomes easier again towards the very end but you'll be extra nervous not to mess these last few steps up.
That's probably where and when you'll mess it up because of the nervousness.
To be fair, at first I wasn't sure if a fall from here would let me get back on track.
But yeah, it does.
Ever been on a balance beam and wondered why it's so significantly harder to maintain balance if the beam's just a few feet off the ground?
Feel free to relive said experience right here.
Finally it is done.
Now's the part where you should really not fall off to the sides but at this point I'd be very surprised if you managed to pull that off.
There we go!
A new king of "LZOETC" has been crowned.
Care to test your skill?
Maybe you want to set up a fun guild event?
Are you a Horde player and itching for a westfall chicken?
Then make your move.
I was told by a moderator that this place will only be here for a limited time only.
gl & hf!
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Member
Aloha people!
Welcome to the Ebon Hold where Death Knights join our ranks in the journey towards greatness before showing everyone the finger by purchasing Shadowmourne. Behind me is the badass yet mostly abandoned band of the Bloods. Be it as it may, the winners of this convlicte seem to be the other skill tree alternatives, namely the Crips and the Grove Street disciples. But what do I know, really. All I can say for sure is that they share an equal lust for bloodbaths. Speaking of baths, there's something I need to get off my chest and it isn't dirt.
{The adventures of Tengelmann - Chapter Dicks out for Harambe}
It doesn't happen all to often, but every now and then I find myself entangled by a captivating story passed down with an anime.
Very fitting to the hot temperatures that many of us have been experiencing this summer, it was a story that compared ancient greko-roman bathing culture with that of modern Japan.
Compelling, isn't it?
It goes by the name "Thermae Romae Novae" and it does indeed include the art of manually cleansing the elderly.
But I'll stop right there as I don't want to spoil the rest. Also I don't want to get flagged for advertising.
Now, you might ask yourself what any of this has to do with Warcraft, and rightfully so!
Thus without further ado, let's have a look at the bathing culture of Warcraft.
First off we have something for you competetive folks out there.
The sewer canals of Undercity offer optimal conditions for professional swimmers. Apparently.
Spoiler:Show
However, I have not come here to wet myself.
Personally I prefer relaxing hot baths that don't pose any immediate threat of danger.
Though this is not how the world of Warcraft works.
If you want access to nice things then you better be good and ready to face some hardships along the way.
Aim for the good things and their bad and ugly counterparts will already be on their way to you.
Multiply the latter by ten.
And put them needlessly close together.
The final step is to then whine about the difficulties of your selfimposed challenge.
I believe I speak in the name of every Warcraft player ever when I say that Murlocs are objectively the coolest race ever created.
Naturally, paying a visit to the - I believe - only non-hostile tribe in Azeroth was a must in order to learn about its waters.
Judging by the looks of it, this is a sacred place and correspondingly it shall stay free of my otherwise immature shenanigans.
Spoiler:Show
Murlocs are primitive creatures nonetheless and other than setting up some pathetic grass huts that can't withstand even the mildest of tides, they don't really contribute any added value to their watery territory.
So if not the Murlocs then who else must we pay a visit to?
There's the waterslides in the Grizzly Hills, of course, but instead of focusing on those, the Horde and Alliance decided to proritise their silly little convlicte instead.
What a shame, really!
These don't even work properly.
But there must be much more than just the average hot springs in Un'Goro and Winterspring...
As it turns out, there's another race out there that highly values its bathing culture.
Let's have a look at our viking friends, the Vrykul!
As it turns out, there's a remarkable outdoor swimming pool lying behind these empty threats.
And getting there without a flying mount isn't even that much of a hassle as one can get teleported pretty close to it by being ejected from Wintergrasp for being too low lvl.
And with every cool outdoor swimming pool comes an evenly awesome springboard.
Granted, it is a little high up and I feel like there's a good chance one might miss the pool from up here, but no one said this place was constructed for sissies.
Also, the springboard itself is quite ominous.
But does this really come off as a surprise to anyone?
The vikings were known to be fearless.
And so am I!
A potentially lethal jump of high heights is always nerve wrecking experience, but it's nothing compared to the stunt that needs to be pulled to get to the skybreaker.
Unfortunately I did miss the pool by a small margin.
And the obligatory killjoy lifeguard is not having it.
What to do? Just ignore the bully.
Sticks and stones, and so on...
Contemptuously turn your back on him, pretend like it didn't hurt and try not to cry.
Try. Real. Hard.
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