I need help

[Hrk4o]

I don't know if this is an appropriate place for this kind of post, but I have been sitting with these feelings for a long time and not sure where to ask for help. I consider warmane as a home considering I've spent years playing here.

I am early 30s, and I struggle with socializing, specifically making friends and especially with girls. I have never had a girlfriend in my life, have never even been near having one. Just literally 0 attraction from any girls in my entire life. To put it bluntly - no one likes me.
Started going to the gym in hope that it'll change something, after 2 years of being consistent and putting hard work I have decent results, but it hasn't changed anything in the socializing/dating aspect. I am by all means not ugly, I dress well, some people were even surprised that I never had a girlfriend.

I have asked multiple friends but all of their advice was extremely surface level, something like "just go out, just be confident, just talk to people, just find hobbies". I am not stupid, I know that I need to talk to people and to be out. But I don't know what to talk about, there is literally nothing (positive) on my mind for years. I don't know where to go to meet people, I live in a small town, I don't have friends who go to places to take me with them. Every time I go to some bigger events like concerts or a club I always feel isolated and lonelier than usual. I just don't fit anywhere, I dont know how to start conversations with people, I dont know what to talk about... So I just always sit alone on the side, and one has ever talked to me. Or I'd start a small talk with someone and it doesn't go anywhere, dies after few minutes.
Is the gym not a hobby? Is playing video games not a hobby? Don't feel interested in anything else to pick up as a hobby. I don't think I am too different from all the other guys playing WOW on this server, but yet 99% of them have no problem getting friends and girls, some even date girls from the server. Meanwhile I haven't even made a single conversation with a girl. Not because I don't want to, I simply don't know how. My conversations are like question-answer. Do you wanna play today, do you guys need something for raid, can you give me tips on playing this class... Etc. Thats how my interaction with people looks like. I can't think of anything else to talk about.

I only have like 3-4 irl friends, and I am not close to any of them. They have their own friend circles and spend time there, if I am lucky they call me once every 2 months.
Used to go online to omegle to meet people, to try and practice. Never had a positive outcome. Always ended up ignored. Tinder isn't a thing here, tried and basically 0 matches in 100 km radius.
Living like this for YEARS, I have become perpetually mad, angry, bitter, frustrated, feeling abosolutly worthless, hopeless. I just don't know what to do.

I live in a poor east European country so therapy isn't even an option. And I simply cannot afford 100$ per session for online therapy with my lame 300$ monthly income.
If anyone has any practical advice, or can point me to any source I can get help from, I'd be very thankful.

[Morvion]

i think u just havent found your people yet. i'd say dont rely on socializing online by itself, i mean sure u can expand your social network online, but to get the actual social comfort u need the social intimacy with people and thats not achievable via online. it is really challenging specially for introverts but u'll get there eventually.
i dont know much about european or western women in general, but u'd be surprised that there are tons of asian women are into caucasian men regardless their looks or money as long as u're not an ahole. so yeah u might consider being passport bro
or u can just focus on your self development, own cats, idk. nothing wrong being a self loving person.

[Shred92]

Aren't there therapists in your area that charge an amount more appropriate to your income?

Not that I think therapy is appropriate - the kind of help you need is most likely chemical.

[Gorlais]

You are not alone, civilization is under a crysis and it reflects in many aspects of life.

I recommend three things:
1. Some things are ritualistic, like starting conversations. Watch old filmes and see how these rehearsed pieces of sentences work. Listen to old music, for example I knew the concept of "the policy of the cheap guilt" from a metal band. (=Cheap guilt is blaming someone innocent because it makes the group feel better and save face)
2. Read books. I personally benefited from the A Song of Ice and Fire books. Some aspects of interactions among humans are timeless

3. The best piece of advice ever, go to the YouTube channel hoe_math and binge his videos. From there you might go to podcasts of people that deal with exactly you are living (Michael Sartain, the whatever podcast, etc).

[Masterbaytr]

This is not an easy topic my friend. I went until I was 21 before I ever had what I would consider a real girlfriend, then after her, I went another 11 years without one. I found the girl I love now through the church that I attend. If you are not of any religion, you may have to spend a week out of town for speed dating or dating apps. Let the girls know that you are not serious, that you are practicing your social skills. Tell them upfront that the only reason you are there is for real life experience in social situations. Ask questions like "what are some fun hobbies that I could do with others?" Lead with something like "I am not looking for a date, I am hoping to find a friend that can help me with my social skills." Go in loaded with at least 4 topics that you can talk about. It sounds corny, but never talk about something that you don't actually like. My gf finds it cute when I tell her about this awesome book I read, even though she does not care about the genre of books that I'm into. Also, I had a friend that met his wife by just practicing "dating" in order to build character.

Btw, I completely understand where you are coming from. When I am around anyone that I am not 100% comfortable with, I never know what to say.

[fdbsfhe4rfar]

Read the bible. feeling empty, out of place, not belonging to any place is normal for any decent human being

[Waugriff1]

gym and get buff and strong, girls like guys with muscles , and quit all caffeine because it makes you anxious and unrelaxed , girls like relaxed buff guys who look after themselves. this is real and what i have noticed
I also dont have a girlfriend because i dont have any money xD, relationships are expensive AF , im 29 now btw , also pray and ask God to help you.

[Axciis]

What makes you think that the solution to your "Problem" lies on the outside, i.E. salvation in a Girlfriend or a girl showing affection for you at all? And i write it "Problem" because on one side it is, one one side it is not. And by not i mean that you are not a Problem, and you are not the Problem. You are fine the way you are, but you need to learn to work with yourself first before your can with others.

The Base for eveything a human wants to provide for another needs to be first available for themselfs, by them selfs. For Example: If you want to love another person truly, you need to first to be able to love yourself. Alot of you guys would immediatly yawn by these words on the spot, what i can understand. But thats because it always was just used as a saying. But here is the Foundation behind it:

Learning to love yourself is the path to:

1. Get to know yourself. Who are you afterall? Ofcourse you are you, but what does it mean to be you? What are your traits, what are your dreams? What were you dreams 5 years ago, who do you wanted to become, and why? Did you become that person, and if no, why not?

You are who you are today for a reason. And in your case, you are very sad and isolated. Atleast, you feel isolated. What if more then you feel is going on around you, what if more girls then you think have an eye on you, but stay away because they feel your sadness and are sad themselfs, so they don´t feel like they can reach you. What goes for you as well. Where we are on a Point i mentioned before: One must be able to reach himself, before he can truly reach someone else.

2. Once you get to know yourself more and more, you will find things that you like, and don´t like about you. Thats ofcourse a normal and usual thing. And for the later its important to understand its nature and why you don´t like it about yourself to first accept it. I was borderline depressed to near death in late 2018. I thought of myself do not be attractive at all, because i lifed in the same isolated, love deprived world you life in now. One of my very first steps out of it was when i one day looked in my mirror, looked at my face and said: "Thats me. That is how i look like. And that is ok. Its ok to look like that, its ok to look like me. Its ok to be me."

3. The more and more to learn to work with these things, the more you will be able to see another Person really as the Person she or he is. And what they Problems they might have and struggle with. And this is the point where you can reach another Person as human being. Not only that People will start finding their way to you, since they can feel if they are safe to share their Problems and sadness with you. They also feel that you notice same as a Person. Not what they are on the outside, i.E. some pretty chick that everybody sees and wants, but noone wants her and her struggles.

Little side note here for the hustle: You get the Chicks best if you don´t go after them as Chicks, but the People who they are.

[jihawjihaw]

In my experience. You just have to go out there and try. you bumb into some and then another guy, who got some cute girlfriend and maybe that doesnt work out but at the end of the day, you are already closer than your 30 years of nothing.
I hate chasing girls, cuz i pref a girl who is fun to be with and can admit mistake and so on.
Ive had one who was using crazy manipulation technique and abused me mentally. Long story short, she does not come back and help you or care that u got shot and dies in an alley. I havent read everything. but i just know what i prefer from experience. And sometimes i just buy a pretty girl who works as a city guide.

[djanimi98]

Forget the specifics of those crap, none of this matters, what matters is , you are saying you want to feel good no matter the words you use, so get on that quest and use your mind to reach for thoughts that make you feel good and give yourself relief, dont be harash on yourself. Goal is to feel good, specific things and places, people fall into place after that.